What Should You Not Do During a Separation?

Young man sitting on bed and praying while his wife getting suitcase before leaving

There are no absolute right or wrong answers to what you should or should not do during a separation because your personal and financial circumstances are individual to you. However, our family law solicitors can offer general guidance about what it’s best not to do during a separation.

Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Expert Family Law Advice.

Why are you separating?

The basis of your separation is relevant to what you should or should not do during your separation. That’s because if your separation is a trial separation, it’s important not to take any steps that mean it is less likely that you will get back together, such as:

Not attending Relate or counselling sessions or telling your partner that they are a waste of time before you give the sessions a chance.
Saying that you won’t go to individual counselling sessions. For example, to address anger management issues.
Taking all the money out of a joint account without your partner’s agreement or advance knowledge.
Refusing to pay towards household bills or child support (despite being in a financial position to do so) because you think that if your husband or wife finds it hard to manage financially without you, then the family are more likely to get back together
Imposing an unrealistic timetable on the trial separation, for example, saying that your partner must decide if you are going to get back together or not within two weeks.

Refusing to agree to contact arrangements with the children or not attending the family home for agreed contact with the children.

Following your partner or sending numerous texts or social media messages so they end up feeling overwhelmed by you.
Contacting your partner’s family or friends to try to get them to influence your husband, wife or partner to reconcile with you.

If your partner wants a trial separation, it is easy to feel angry about their decision if the news that the relationship is in trouble comes as a complete surprise to you, and to let your feelings sabotage the trial separation. Counselling and family law legal advice can help you resolve marital issues during a trial separation.

Family law advice during a trial separation

Many couples going through a trial separation think that they should not seek specialist legal advice to explore their options. However, taking legal advice can be a sensible thing to do because it will help you determine if you or your spouse has grounds to initiate divorce proceedings and what the likely financial settlement and child care arrangements may be. That information may influence your thought process.

Your consultation with a divorce solicitor is completely confidential to you. You do not need to tell your husband or wife that you have taken legal advice if you do not want to do so. They may have also taken family law advice and decided to say nothing about talking to a family law solicitor until you decide on whether you are going to be able to reconcile or not.

Warning signs during a separation

If you are desperate to make a trial separation work and to reconcile with your spouse, it can be tempting to ignore warning bells. You should not do that; instead, you should seek legal advice. Warning signs include your husband or wife:

Transferring large amounts out of savings or investment accounts.
Taking out loans against the family home – this is especially concerning if the family home is registered in your spouse’s sole name. This can be prevented by registering a notice with the land registry.
Asking you to leave the family home partway through the trial separation, or if it becomes apparent that they are planning to sell the family home. If the family home is owned in their sole name, there are steps that you can take to protect yourself.
Selling assets or transferring property, such as shares in a family business, to a family member.
Asking you to sign a postnuptial agreement.
Starting to make plans to relocate overseas with the children.

Any of these warning bells, or anything else of concern to you, means you should quickly talk to a family law solicitor rather than trust that the trial separation is a genuine attempt to repair your relationship whilst you both give one another space.

What should you not do if a separation is permanent?

If you know that your separation is permanent, or if a trial separation has not worked out, then it is often assumed that it is ‘no holds barred’ with divorce lawyers. However, divorce solicitors say that approach can be counterproductive and result in it being harder for you to reach an agreement over childcare arrangements or a financial settlement.

If your separation is permanent, then generally you should not:

Leave the family home before taking legal advice – it may be preferable for your partner to leave instead of you, or you may be able to get an injunction order requiring them to leave.
Reach an agreement on childcare arrangements or a financial settlement without first taking divorce legal advice – that’s because if you agree to something that isn’t in your best interests during direct discussions with your husband or wife, it is then far harder to get them to accept a fairer childcare or financial arrangement.
Stop contact between the children and the other parent because you are angry about your husband or wife’s behaviour. Contact should only be stopped after legal advice and if there are child care safety or other child-related issues.
Feel rushed into starting divorce proceedings because of pressure from family or friends to do so.
Start divorce proceedings without either you or your divorce solicitor first informing your husband or wife of your intention to do so. Unless the situation is urgent, it is usually better to inform your partner about the planned divorce proceedings, as this can help reduce animosity. It also makes it easier for you to reach a financial settlement or agree on child custody and contact arrangements.

Every separation is different, and individuals react differently to a separation. That’s why there are no hard and fast rules on what you should or should not do if you separate from a partner or spouse.

One of the best things that you can do is ensure that you are not rushed into making decisions and have the information you need to make informed decisions. A divorce solicitor can help you with that, whether your separation is a trial separation or a permanent separation.

How can Evolve Family Law help you?

The friendly and approachable divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law talk to people who don’t know whether they want to separate or not, as well as to husbands or wives who are very clear that divorce proceedings are the right path for them.

We can assist with:

Preliminary consultations for those contemplating a separation.
Initial advice on staying in the family home and injunction orders.
Advice on short and long-term living arrangements for the children.
Help with short-term negotiations on child support and spousal maintenance, and with a long-term financial settlement.

Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Expert Family Law Advice.

The Evolve Family Law offices are in Whitefield, North Manchester and Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. We also offer remote meetings by appointment via video call or telephone.