Marriage

Will solicitor, Chris Strogen, is emphatic that you do need a Will if you are married.  In this blog, we explain why you need a Will if you are married and how our Will solicitors at Evolve Family Law can write your Will or advice on whether an existing Will needs changing.  For expert Will and estate planning advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.   Why do you need a Will if you are married?  Whether you are married or not, if you die without a Will then your assets (called your estate) pass under statutory intestacy rules. Who gets your money and estate depends on whether you are married or in a civil partnership and whether you have children or other extended family.  The intestacy rules are inflexible and they may not reflect your wishes or be tax-efficient. Without a Will, it can be more difficult to administer your estate, especially if you own complicated assets. For example, you are a shareholder in a family business or you are self-employed as a sole trader or own a buy to let property portfolio.  In addition, if the intestacy rules do not meet your family circumstances a qualifying relative may want to challenge the estate distribution and make a claim against the estate. They can do this by alleging that the intestacy rules do not make reasonable financial provision for them.  The intestacy rules if you die without a Will and you are married  The intestacy rules if you die without a Will and you are married depend on whether you have children.   Step-children do not count as your children for this purpose as they are not biologically related to you. That’s the case even if you have always been very close to your step children. Your children from any previous relationships do count even if they are estranged from you or if at the date you pass away, they are financially independent with their own homes and families. Children includes adopted children and the descendants of your biological or adopted children.  If you do not have children your husband, wife or civil partner will inherit your entire estate.   If you do have children your husband, wife or civil partner will inherit:  The first £322,000 of your estate  All your personal possessions  Half the rest of the estate. The remaining half is divided equally between your children   The intestacy rules say that if a child has died before their parent, then the grandchild or the great grandchild of the deceased inherits in their parent’s place.  As the intestacy rules are inflexible an estate claim could be brought. For example, your husband or wife may say that they need more than £322,000 and half the rest of the estate to meet their needs. Alternatively, if you jointly own a family home with your spouse as joint tenants, your surviving husband or wife will end up owning the family home as well as getting the first £322,000 of your estate and half the remainder of the estate. Depending on the size of your estate, that may not leave much for your children to inherit.  [related_posts] Why writing a Will is a good idea whether you are married or not  Having a Will in place is always a good idea, whatever your personal circumstances.  With a Will you can:  Decide who should administer your estate and distribute the monies. The named people are called your executors. They can be family members, friends, a Will solicitor or a combination. You need at least 2 people to act as your executors  Appoint a testamentary guardian for your children. This is important if you have children under the age of 18  Make gifts of specific assets to people, such as items of jewellery or sentimental family heirlooms  Ensure that your estate is distributed tax efficiently so the estate pays less in inheritance tax. This should mean there is more money left for your beneficiaries  Leave money to a charity of your choice  Say what your preferences are about funeral arrangements  Place money in a trust. This can be helpful where, for example, you have been married previously and have children from different relationships. You may want your current spouse to be able to stay at the family home and have enough to live very comfortably but you may want your estate left in trust so that on your spouse’s death your remaining estate passes to your other trust beneficiaries, such as your children. If money is left outright to your spouse in your Will or under intestacy rules, then on the death of your spouse your monies will form part of their estate and be distributed in accordance with their Will or under intestacy rules. If your spouse remarries then the monies inherited from you may pass to their new husband or wife rather than to your children or grandchildren or to your preferred charity  There are many other reasons why talking to a Will solicitor is a good idea. For example:  To understand what assets form part of your estate. If the family home is owned as joint tenants, it passes straight to the surviving owner and not by your Will. If the house is owned as tenants in common your share of the property passes by your Will or under the intestacy rules. Other assets, such as a pension or life insurance, may not pass by your Will but by nominations. It all depends on how the policy is written  It may be tax efficient to make lifetime gifts as part of your estate planning and IHT strategy  You may want to put in place a Lasting Power of Attorney for yourself and your spouse  You may want to check if your former spouse has a potential claim against your estate and discuss what you can do to protect your current husband or wife or your children from such an estate claim   For expert Will and estate planning advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.

If you got married in an Islamic wedding ceremony in the UK or overseas, are you treated as legally married in England? Can you get divorced in the UK?  The divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law answer your questions on Islamic marriage and divorce in the UK.  For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.   Islamic marriage in the UK  Whether your Nikah is classed as a legal marriage and recognised in English family law depends on where and how the marriage took place.  A Nikah that took place in the UK is not treated as a legal marriage unless there was also a valid UK civil ceremony. If you had a Nikah in the UK without a civil ceremony it is best to check with a family law solicitor to see if you are legally married or not under English law. It is important to check this out and, if necessary, get married legally under UK law. That’s because if you are not legally married under English family law you do not have the financial rights and claims of a husband or wife but of an unmarried partner.  If your Nikah took place overseas you are treated as legally married in the UK provided the country where you got married treats Islamic marriages or Nikahs as legally valid. That means you do not need to have a civil wedding ceremony in the UK as you are already legally married.  Family law solicitors acknowledge that the UK family law on the validity of Islamic marriages can be confusing.  The English court does have the power to declare that you are legally married if there is a dispute but it is best to avoid declaration proceedings unless there is no alternative. For example, if your spouse is denying your marriage and your financial claims as a spouse.  Divorce in the UK   If you are legally married and you want to get divorced you can apply for a no-fault divorce. If your wedding was a Nikah under Sharia law and it took place in England without a civil marriage then you won't need to apply for a no-fault divorce as you are not treated in English law as legally married. You may want to get divorced under Sharia law.  If you thought you were married then it may be worth checking out if you can get a declaration of marriage. That is because:  Under Sharia law your financial  claims may be limited  In English law, if you are not legally married, your financial claims as an unmarried husband or wife are limited to property rights and claims under trust law. Instead of being able to claim half the assets you may be able to claim nothing or very little in comparison to the sort of financial settlement a husband or wife might expect the family court to order as a financial court order   [related_posts] The financial claims of an unmarried partner    If your marriage is not legally recognised in the UK, you can potentially make 2 types of claims, depending on whether you have children with your partner.  Under Schedule 1 of the Children Act, you can bring court proceedings for an order to provide your children with a home to live in whilst they are of school age. The ownership of the house will then revert to your partner. You can also ask the court for a lump sum to meet the financial needs of your children and to make a top-up child support order if your partner is a high earner. The Child Maintenance Service may also be able to award you child support.  Whether or not you have children you may be able to make a claim under The Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996 (TOLATA). You can bring a TOLTA claim if your partner owns a property jointly with you or if they own a property in their sole name but you can evidence that you have what is referred to as a beneficial interest in the property owned by your partner.  Get expert family law legal advice   It is essential that you take expert legal advice on the status of your marriage from specialist family law solicitors. That’s because if your Nikah is a valid marriage (or you can secure a declaration of marriage) you may be able to secure a financial settlement including spousal maintenance, a share in property, savings, a family business or a pension sharing order.    For expert family law advice complete our online enquiry form.  

You would think that people would know if they are married or not. It is however surprisingly common for either a husband or wife to ask the question ‘Are we married?’ Often the query crops up when a couple is separating or contemplating divorce proceedings. For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form. Are you married? Most people would think that a quick look at the wedding photo album would be sufficient to answer the question of whether the couple is married or not but that isn’t necessarily right. One of the first questions for a family solicitor to ask is where the couple got married. If the ‘marriage’ took place in the UK the husband and wife may think that their ceremony of marriage means that they are legally wed. However, if the ceremony didn’t take place at a licensed venue or if the couple didn’t subsequently participate in a civil ceremony of marriage they may not be legally married in the UK. The scenario isn’t that uncommon as often the focus is on the religious marriage ceremony, which has the real meaning for the couple and their family and friends. That can leave those, for example, who have enjoyed a Muslim religious ceremony of marriage or those who married in a Wiccan ceremony not legally married. [related_posts] Marriages in unlicensed venues Most people won’t be surprised to hear that the law can step in and decide if a couple is married even if they didn’t comply with the UK legal requirements at the time of their marriage ceremony. A husband or wife can ask the court to declare that they are married if certain criteria are met. Invariably if declaration of marriage proceedings are started then either the husband or the wife is arguing that they aren’t legally married. That means there is a risk that the court will decide that the couple is not married. Why marriage matters If the court decides the couple isn’t married then there is no need for divorce proceedings. Importantly financial claims on separation will be limited as the husband and the wife won't be able to make claims against the other’s income or pension. The type of ‘marriage’ ceremony can therefore affect whether a couple is treated as married in the eyes of the law or legally viewed as cohabitees. In some cases that can mean the difference between getting half the house and the pension and maintenance and getting nothing as a cohabitee. Marriages that take place overseas If the ‘marriage’ took place abroad there is often an assumption that the couple aren’t legally married in the UK. That is often an incorrect assumption as provided that the marriage was recognised as legally valid in the country in which it took place it is normally accepted in the UK as a marriage. That means that if the couple is settled in the UK they can get divorced in the UK and the English court will decide on how their assets are divided, even though they got married at a chapel in Las Vegas, a beach in the Caribbean, or a religious ceremony in their country of origin or choice. These rules can throw up surprising results as the quickie marriage in the Las Vegas chapel may be a legally valid marriage in the UK whereas the well-photographed religious ceremony at an unlicensed venue may not be, even if attended by all of the couple’s family and friends. If you are contemplating marriage then there is no reason why you can’t have the wedding of your choice in either the UK or abroad, but if you are planning a religious ceremony or a wedding at an unusual venue or abroad it is sensible to check the status of the ceremony so both bride and groom know where they stand. For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.

There is still a bit of wariness about raising the topic of a prenup with a fiancée or signing a prenuptial agreement. In this blog, our Manchester family solicitors look at whether a prenup is a good idea.​ For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form. Is a prenup agreement a good option? Manchester prenup solicitors are often asked what the point of a prenuptial agreement is if it isn’t legally binding in the English divorce court. However, although a prenup agreement isn’t binding on the English family court, Manchester prenup agreement solicitors say that provided the agreement is drawn up properly it could be given substantial weight. In real terms, if you are a high net worth individual, a prenup could save you millions. If you aren’t a high net worth individual, a prenup agreement is still a good idea because: The prenuptial agreement could ring fence or safeguard pre-marriage acquired assets, such as a family inheritance, a trust fund, a family business or farm, or a pension that you contributed to many years before your planned marriage The prenup could protect children from an earlier marriage or relationship by making sure that if you get divorced your second wife or husband doesn’t walk away with assets that you brought to the marriage or that you need to provide for your children from an earlier relationship If you draw up a prenuptial agreement before the marriage and the terms are fair to both of you the agreement should reduce animosity and legal costs if you decide to separate at a later date   When will a court follow what is in a prenuptial agreement? If you are contemplating signing a prenuptial agreement then it is essential to know when a court will, or is likely, to follow what is in the prenuptial agreement when ordering a financial settlement as part of divorce proceedings.   There are three potential scenarios if you sign a prenup and either you or your spouse later start divorce proceedings: The divorce court ignores what is in the prenuptial agreement – either because the court doesn’t think that the agreement was drawn up with safeguards in place or doesn’t meet one spouse’s needs The divorce court places weight on the prenuptial agreement and although the agreement isn’t followed to the letter the divorce court makes a financial settlement award that is less generous than it would have made had the prenuptial agreement not been signed The divorce court follows the agreement recorded in the prenup and makes a financial settlement and financial court order in accordance with the provisions in the prenup   You are more likely to get the divorce court to follow options 2 or 3 if the court is satisfied that the prenup was freely entered into by each party to the agreement with a full appreciation of its implications unless in the circumstances prevailing at the time of the separation or divorce it wouldn’t be fair to hold the parties to the terms of their prenup agreement. [related_posts] It is often assumed that there is no free will involved in signing a prenuptial agreement as either the intended husband or wife has all the power and the other person feels that they have little alternative but to sign the prenuptial agreement if they want to get married. However, prenup solicitors say that every prenuptial agreement should be freely entered into to avoid the divorce court ruling that one person didn’t understand the agreement and therefore shouldn’t be bound by its terms. To give the prenuptial agreement the best chance of being upheld in any subsequent divorce and financial proceedings, the following requirements should be met: The terms of the prenup must be fair and meet the needs of the parties and any children who are dependent on them. If the agreement isn’t fair, it isn’t likely that the agreement will be fully upheld or even partially upheld. A good prenup solicitor can advise on the fairness principle the divorce court uses to guide you on what provisions to put in the agreement The prenup was entered into voluntarily with no undue influence or duress and of your own free will and signed and executed as a deed There is financial disclosure of each other’s financial circumstances. Financial disclosure is essential even if you are wary about detailing the full extent of your net wealth or your partner is embarrassed about their debts or income. Unless you know what the other has you can’t make informed choices about what should go in the prenup and what would be fair provision if you were to separate The prenup should be signed in advance of the wedding. The recommendation by the Law Commission report is that prenuptial agreements should be entered into at least 28 days before the marriage or civil partnership Independent legal advice on the prenup is taken. That is to ensure that you both understand the legal consequences of signing the prenup and what you might be gaining or losing by entering into the prenuptial agreement   Should I sign a prenup? You should only sign a prenup if you are willing to be bound by the terms of the agreement. You should not enter a prenuptial agreement thinking that you can argue, in any subsequent divorce proceedings, that the terms of the agreement are unfair to you. That argument may not succeed if the agreement was drawn up properly with the safeguards in place.   Likewise, if you have substantial pre-marriage acquired wealth or you want to ring-fence specified assets or you don’t want financial arguments at the time of any divorce proceedings a prenup can be a sensible option for both you and your intended husband or wife. We are Manchester Prenup Solicitors Manchester and Cheshire-based Evolve Family Law solicitors specialise in preparing relationship agreements and advising on prenuptial agreements. For advice about a prenuptial agreement or relationship agreement or other aspect of family law call us or complete our online enquiry form.

You may question why you would remarry your ex but remarrying your former husband or wife is a growing trend. Some unkindly refer to it as yo-yo or boomerang marriages but as divorce solicitors, we understand that what attracted you to a person in the first place can reignite despite your separation and divorce. For expert help with divorce and family law call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form. The legal implications of remarrying your ex Once you get divorced your legal relationship is at an end although some financial ties may remain unless you obtained a clean break divorce financial court order. This type of divorce financial settlement severs any financial obligations. On remarriage, you are husband and wife again with the same marital legal relationship as the first time around. That marriage relationship brings with it financial obligations. Those obligations are not covered in your financial court order obtained after your first marriage and subsequent divorce. What that means for you is that if you remarry your ex and it does not work out the second time around either of you can apply to the family court for a financial court order. The size of the financial award will depend on several factors, including the length of your second marriage and your respective needs. [related_posts] The importance of a prenuptial agreement when remarrying your ex It is understandable to be a bit wary about getting remarried, especially if you went through an acrimonious divorce financial settlement first time around. Even if you were able to reach an agreed financial consent order after the end of your first marriage you are right to be cautious about getting remarried to your ex and the financial implications for you. This is especially true when you are in a financially stronger position than the ex you are re-marrying, perhaps because you were more careful with your share of the assets from your first divorce financial settlement. How can you protect yourself financially whilst still enjoying a second marriage with your ex? The answer is a prenuptial agreement tailored to your circumstances. That’s because on re-marriage it is as if you are back to square one, with all the financial claims that a husband or wife can bring on a second divorce. For some couples that means that they are both more comfortable with living together in a cohabiting relationship with a cohabitation agreement in place to sort out and record their agreed property and financial arrangements. Others prefer the security of marriage but with a prenup agreement drawn up prior to their second wedding. There isn’t one legal solution that’s right for everyone who decides to get back together with an ex-spouse. Normally there are legal pros and cons to the options of living together without remarriage or marrying for the second time, with a prenuptial agreement in place. Putting romance and family feelings aside, for inheritance tax reasons, a couple’s adult children might well thank their parent’s decision to remarry rather than cohabit with one another but there is a wealth of legal and financial considerations with each option. The legal advice will all depend on what the couple agreed on the first time around about property ownership and the split of pensions and their current financial circumstances. Most couples who are marrying a second time around see a lot of sense in signing a prenup agreement. The document means that there is less risk of acrimonious and expensive second divorce proceedings. The beauty and practicality of a prenup agreement are that it can be as detailed or as broad as the couple requires provided that certain legal requirements are met. For those preferring to cohabit together, it is just as important to draw up a cohabitation agreement as few couples realise that even if they don’t remarry and don’t jointly own a house together that property claims can still be made if a relationship breaks down. For expert help with divorce and family law call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.

The family law solicitors at Evolve Family Law are regularly consulted about common law marriage rights by unmarried partners and former cohabitees. In this article, we look at the myth of common-law marriage. For expert family law advice call our team of specialist family lawyers or complete our online enquiry form. What is common law marriage? Common law marriage is a myth. In English law, common law marriage is not a legally recognised concept. You do not get rights as a cohabitee because you are in a common-law marriage. An unmarried relationship does not become a common law marriage because of the number of years you have been living together. You do not get common law marriage status whether you have been in a cohabiting relationship for 2 years or 20 years. Cohabitation rights If you don’t get cohabitation rights through the concept of a common-law marriage, how do you get cohabitation rights? Family lawyers say there are ways to get rights but it is best to understand how you can get those rights before you decide to move in together, have children or elect not to enter into a civil partnership or get married. Unfortunately, too many unmarried couples only find out about their cohabitation rights (or lack of them) after they split up from their partner. As an unmarried partner, your cohabitation rights can come through a variety of means, including: Joint property ownership – you can jointly own property either as tenants in common or joint tenants. The way you own property can have a significant impact on what happens to the property if you split up or if one of you passes away. That’s why it is best to take family law legal advice before you jointly buy a property as an unmarried couple Sole property ownership – you can make a claim against a property even if it is owned in the name of your partner. A claim could potentially be made under property or trust law if you can show that you have what is referred to as an equitable interest in the property A cohabitation agreement or deed of trust – if you reach an agreement with your partner, either at the outset of your relationship or during your relationship, you can set out your agreement and rights in a cohabitation agreement (or deed of trust if the agreement relates solely to a specific property) If you have dependent children with your unmarried partner, you may also have the right to claim: Child support through the Child Maintenance Service or the family court if the Child Maintenance Service does not have jurisdiction or if the Child Maintenance Service has made a maximum assessment under their child support formula so you then have the right to apply to the family court for top-up maintenance Lump sum payment to meet a child’s specific needs Housing for the child whilst the child is dependent – this means you would no longer be able to stay in the property after the child reaches the age of 18 or 21 School fee payments if your child is being educated privately Disability-related extra costs of caring for a child with a disability The bottom line is that however long your unmarried relationship lasted for you do not have the same legal rights as a civil partner or husband or wife. For example, you won't be able to claim: A share of the family business – unless you are a shareholder or a business partner or you can successfully say that ownership of all or part of the business was held in trust for you A share of your partner’s pension Spousal maintenance A share of investment portfolios held in your partner’s sole name unless you can argue that the investments were held in trust – something that is very hard to do With unmarried partner disputes, the family court has to follow property and trust law to resolve the dispute over ownership. If you are married or in a civil partnership, the family court looks at a range of factors to achieve fairness. That’s why in divorce proceedings the court can exercise a lot more discretion and there is less likelihood of one partner walking away with nothing after a long relationship. For engaged or married couples who do not like the sound of the family court having such a degree of flexibility in divorce financial settlement proceedings, there is the option of a prenuptial agreement or postnuptial agreement to record how family assets should split if you separate. [related_posts] Cohabitation rights and estate planning If an unmarried partner dies without making a will (intestate) the surviving cohabitant has no automatic right to their partner’s estate. They could claim but this involves court proceedings against the deceased’s relatives who have inherited the estate under the intestacy rules. In a relationship without children, this could involve bringing a claim against the estate arguing that your partner’s parents should not inherit under the intestacy rules because your partner had not made reasonable financial provisions for you as their unmarried partner. This is why it is vital that if you are in an unmarried relationship, you and your partner make a Will and estate plan. Protection for you as a cohabitee Family lawyers understand that financial hardship on the breakdown of a cohabiting relationship is a realistic possibility in many cases because of decisions made by the couple during the relationship about property ownership. If a married couple make the same property ownership decisions during their relationship the family court has the discretion and power to make orders that it thinks are fair to both husband and wife or both civil partners. In a non-married relationship, a family judge just doesn’t have the same degree of flexibility as the court has to divide the assets of an unmarried couple based on property and trust law rather than housing or other needs. The best option for cohabitants who are concerned about property issues and protection if they split up from their unmarried partner is to enter into a cohabitation agreement or living together agreement. This document is a form of contract setting out a couple’s decisions about what will happen to their property on separation. It works in a similar way to a prenuptial agreement and if drafted properly by a specialist family lawyer will be upheld by a court. The cohabitation agreement should be accompanied by both cohabitees signing Wills and Lasting Powers of Attorney so their estate and future proof planning recognises the importance of their loved ones. If you would like a cohabitation agreement or need family law advice following a recent separation from your cohabitee then contact Evolve Family Law. For expert family law advice call our team of specialist family lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.

The Sunday Times recently ran a piece on ‘emotional labour’ and here at Evolve Family Law that sparked a debate about what emotional labour is and to what extent it plays a part in UK divorce proceedings. If you aren’t sure what emotional labour is and how it could affect your divorce proceedings then read on.​ What is Emotional Labour? Apparently the term ’emotional labour’ first began to be used back in 1983 to describe repressed feelings and emotions at work. Whilst we may not have head of the term we have all bitten back a sharp comment or retort to a work colleague at one point or other, knowing that a sarcastic reply won't help with the need to work together. Fast forward to 2020, and the term emotional labour is now being used in the home environment. I am sure all of you will have suppressed your first thoughts and replies when asked about whether you want the bins taken out, the dishwasher emptied or what time the meal will be ready for as your other half has plans for the evening (that don’t include you).   Emotional labour isn’t just about suppressing your first response to your partner when asked if you want the dishwasher emptied when there are no clean cups or plates in the cupboard and you have just come off a ten hour shift with your other half and the children looking expectantly for their evening meal. It is also about all the other things in a relationship that can quietly drive you crazy as you feel obliged to hide your true feelings for the sake of your partner’s feelings and/or the children’s feelings. Examples include: Having to have the mother in law to Sunday dinner each week when she clearly can't stand you and never reciprocates with an invitation back Always having to select the children’s birthday presents but not say anything when the children assume that the present was chosen jointly Taking sole responsibility for taking the children to rugby practice when you can't stand sport or the biting wind, and would also much prefer a Sunday lie in (like your partner) having worked hard all week and not being the parent who’d encouraged the child to try for a place in the rugby team in the first place.   Do any of those examples ring true in your relationship? Our Manchester divorce solicitors say that it is often only when the decision to separate has been made that either a husband or wife will realise and acknowledge that they are doing the work of two people in the relationship. [related_posts] Does Emotional Labour Lead to Divorce Proceedings? Whilst you don’t currently hear husband or wife's saying that they are getting divorced because of ‘emotional labour’, it is undoubtedly the case that emotional labour is behind some marriage breakdowns and the commencement of divorce proceedings based on the unreasonable behaviour of either a husband or wife.   Can anything be done to stop emotional labour and the breakdown of a marriage? Divorce lawyers are positive that in the right scenario there is help available such as: Family or couple therapy to discuss how you feel and the need for change Individual therapy to help you accept your husband or wife's behaviour and the fact that they aren’t likely to change Professional help to ease the load on one partner in the relationship, whether that is a housekeeper, cleaner or au-pair.   If you can't stop the emotional labour (and can't live with it) then it may prompt divorce proceedings. The divorce proceedings could be based on your partner’s unreasonable behaviour as, in 2020, it is clear that a relationship needs to be if not an equal division of work and home labour then at least a fair one so one partner doesn’t feel they are hard done by and has to suppress emotional labour as that isn’t healthy for the individual and will eventually lead to the start of divorce proceedings unless the problem can be acknowledged and change occurs.   At Evolve Family Law we are grateful to the Sunday Times for giving a name to ‘emotional labour’, something that we are all aware of and with an understanding of just how pernicious the problem can be when you are caught up in a long standing relationship where one partner’s feelings and emotions just don’t count. Online and Manchester and Cheshire Divorce Solicitors Manchester and Cheshire based Evolve Family Law solicitors specialise in family law and divorce proceedings. If you need legal help with family law, from divorce to your financial settlement or childcare arrangements, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form to set up a meeting, video conference or telephone appointment.

Emotional abuse is one of those tricky topics. Many people don’t like to admit that they are being emotionally abused because it makes them seem weak or thin skinned. However, the Covid-19 pandemic and the confinement of lockdown at home has made many people realise that it is time to confront emotional abuse in their relationship. In this blog we look at emotional abuse and your options on what to do about emotional abuse in your marriage. What is emotional abuse? As we gradually start to emerge from lockdown people are asking questions about their relationships, often because they have spent far more time with their partner in a relatively confined space than at any other time. Sometimes that experience has brought out the best in a relationship and at other times people have experienced far more physical or emotional abuse than they would normally have if their partner had been working or able to see friends and family. Sometimes, the stresses of working on the ‘’front line’’ in a key worker role has meant that a partner has brought their fears home with them and their behaviour has had a very negative impact on their partner and children.   Family law solicitors say that unless it is an emergency situation you should take time to think before you make any major decisions about your relationship. It is important to reflect on your partner’s behaviour and consider if it is emotional abuse. Whilst it is best not to make a rapid decision to separate it is equally sensible to look at whether what you are experiencing is emotional abuse and to ask yourself if there is any prospect of your partner or spouse recognising their behaviour as abusive and doing something to change their behaviour.   Sadly, for many husbands, wives, and partners, emotional abuse can become part of their daily life so they become inured to it. Often, it when their partner’s behaviour has turned on the children during lockdown, with the children being at home and underfoot all day, that the behaviour is seen for what it is; emotional abuse.   What is emotional abuse? It is difficult to define emotional abuse because unlike physical violence there is no obvious slap mark, bruise or fracture. The effects of emotional abuse are often not obvious but they are equally damaging as physical abuse.   Emotional abuse is all about control through the manipulation of your emotions. It isn’t a one off experience but is normally a slow and invidious process until it gets to the stage that you haven’t got the strength to leave the relationship. Sometimes it takes something as dramatic as the Covid-19 lockdown or seeing your partner start to emotionally abuse your child that is the ‘’wake-up call’’ to get help.   Emotional abuse isn’t about having rows, shouting at one another, or saying words you regret. We all do that in relationships, especially if we are under pressure because we are confined at home or are worried about work and financial matters. Emotional abuse is best described by example as it can be subtle. Examples of emotional abuse and controlling behaviour include: Constantly belittling you from telling you that you are a fool, ‘’incapable of doing that’ ’and judging your efforts Giving directions on what you should wear, how much you should eat, when you should speak, who you should see and if you can go out If you challenge the behaviour, telling you that you are insane and that no one will believe you if you speak out Refusing to speak to you or leaving the family home for days if you ask them to change their behaviour Taking over control of almost every aspect of your life from money management and access to funds to making all the important decisions about the children and to making the decisions for you from who you vote for to your choice of hairstyle Restricting you so you are not able to speak on the phone to friends and family as phone and internet activity is monitored and not able to meet with family because your movements are tracked or you fear that you will betray yourself and let something slip about having spoken to a friend.   Sometimes those in emotionally abusive relationships also experience physical violence. Many say that the physical violence is easier to cope with than the constant emotional abuse or living with a partner who is silent and won't speak for days because you have committed some minor misdemeanour.   Emotional abusers can temper their abuse with gifts and kind words thus giving you hope that they have changed or that they can't help their behaviour because they love you so much. This type of abuse is so subtle and powerful that people from all walks of life can find themselves caught up in an abusive relationship and not know how to get out. [related_posts] What help can you get if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship? Many people think that they can't ask for help because what they are experiencing isn’t ‘’domestic violence’’ or that ‘’no-one will believe me’’ or that ‘’I can't afford to leave’’. None of those statements are true.   An experienced and understanding family law solicitor will talk you through your options. Importantly they won't try to control your decisions or tell you what you must do. However they can guide you and support you, whether you decide to stay with your partner or decide that a separation or divorce is the best option for you and your family.   Many divorce and family law solicitors work with professional counsellors and therapists who can offer: Joint sessions for you and your partner to see if the problems within your relationship can be addressed or Individual help to an emotional abuser to get them to accept their behaviour for what it is or Individual help for you to help you recover your self-esteem and confidence after years in an emotionally abusive relationship.   A family solicitor can help you with: Advice on a temporary separation including whether you should stay in the family home and financial matters such as spousal maintenance and child support and short term parenting arrangements and contact (child arrangements order) A long term separation or divorce with help with a separation agreement, divorce proceedings, child custody and contact and a financial settlement Court orders to protect you such as an occupation order so you can stay in the family home or a non-molestation order. Our Family Law and Divorce Solicitors Whether you need legal help with an emotionally abusive relationship, a separation, divorce, maintenance, an injunction, financial settlement or children order the specialist but friendly and supportive team of family lawyers at Evolve Family Law can help you. Call us or complete our online enquiry form. We can set up a video conference, Skype or telephone appointment for you or arrange a face to face meeting at our offices in Holmes Chapel Cheshire or Whitefield Manchester.