How do you Prepare to Separate?
It may surprise some people, but family lawyers are regularly asked the question ‘how do I prepare to separate?’
The earlier you speak to a divorce solicitor about a planned separation, the more the lawyer can help you reach an informed decision about whether to separate and assist you in making your separation as painless as possible.
For specialist family law advice, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
Where to start with planning a separation
The obvious place to start if you are thinking about a separation is to talk to your partner, but although that seems the sensible thing to do, it isn’t always the best approach because:
- You may need legal advice before speaking to your partner because your divorce solicitor’s advice on the potential child custody and financial settlement options may affect either your decision to separate or the timing of your separation.
- Talking to a counsellor about your relationship difficulties may help you decide if you want to separate, to suggest couple counselling or a trial separation to your partner. Alternatively, counselling may confirm that you want to separate and start divorce proceedings.
- You may need to take protective action first. This may apply to you if your partner is abusive, has a history of hiding assets, or you are worried that if you tell your partner that you plan to leave, they may take the children or destroy sentimental possessions.
If you do decide to speak to your partner about a separation, then it may not come as a complete surprise to them. However, sometimes a partner has no idea about what their husband or wife is planning, so they need time to accept your decision before being able to have a constructive discussion with you about the practicalities of your separation.
Talking to your children about the planned separation
Knowing when and how best to speak to the children about a planned separation is always a tough decision.
Some parents believe it is best not to inform the children about a planned separation until they need to know, for example, when the house goes on the market or when divorce proceedings are initiated. However, waiting to talk to the children can be more unsettling for them, as they may pick up on the atmosphere in the family home or hear things from grandparents or friends, but be too embarrassed or worried to discuss the separation with you.
In an ideal world, both parents should sit down together to discuss a separation with their children. That conversation can be challenging because you probably won’t have agreed on the parenting arrangements or know if you will be able to stay in the family home with the children.
Practical steps when separating
Separating from a partner is very emotional, so it can help to focus on practicalities such as:
- Temporary living arrangements.
- Parenting arrangements.
- The financial paperwork you need to sort out a fair financial settlement.
The temporary living arrangements
You should not leave the family home without first seeking legal advice to determine if it is the best option for your personal and financial circumstances. Your options include:
- Asking your partner to leave the family home voluntarily.
- Starting injunction proceedings to get a non-molestation order and occupation order so you can safely stay in the family home until long-term decisions are made and a financial settlement is reached.
- Applying for temporary spousal maintenance from the court or for child support from the Child Maintenance Service so you can afford to stay in the family home until you can reach a financial agreement or the court makes a financial court order.
- If your separation is amicable, then it may be possible for you to continue to live together at the family home until you reach a long-term financial settlement.
Whether you both agree to stay at the family home or one of you is moving into rented accommodation or staying with family, you need to reach an agreement on temporary financial matters, including the payment of household bills and access to the joint account. A divorce lawyer can negotiate financial support for you or support you through the family mediation process.
The parenting arrangements
The temporary parenting arrangements for your children will depend greatly on whether you continue to live together at the family home until you decide what to do with the house. Sorting out the long-term arrangements for the children may not be practical until you know one another’s housing plans and whether, for example, it will be feasible for mid-week contact to take place.
Most parents can reach an agreement on childcare arrangements. If you are unable to do so, then a family mediator may be able to help you resolve the dispute. If an agreement is not possible, either parent can apply to the court for a child arrangement order.
The financial paperwork
You can’t reach an informed financial settlement with your partner until you both have an up-to-date understanding of your financial situation. That may involve finding out things like the value of the family home, the outgoings associated with the family home, the amount you have in savings, or the value of the family business or pension. If you have a financial advisor or accountant, they may have some of this information, such as an investment portfolio document or draft family business accounts.
If your partner is not willing to provide financial disclosure, then you can apply to the court for a financial court order. The family court will require your spouse to complete a Form E document and provide financial disclosure as part of the court process.
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Understand your separation options
Before deciding to separate, it is helpful to understand your separation options and the ways to reach an agreement on custody and parenting arrangements, as well as your financial settlement.
When it comes to separation, your options are broadly:
- A trial separation.
- A permanent separation. If neither of you wants to initiate divorce proceedings, you may want to record any agreement reached regarding the family home, other property, and financial support in a separation agreement.
- Starting divorce proceedings. During divorce proceedings, a court may be asked to issue a financial court order to record the terms of any agreed-upon financial settlement. If you can’t reach an agreement through negotiation or family mediation, the court can decide how your assets and property should be divided and make a financial court order.
It is often assumed that if you go ahead with a separation that you and your partner will end up in court proceedings over custody of the children, who gets the family home or whether you will get a share of your spouse’s pension. However, experienced Manchester divorce solicitors say that you don’t have to end up in court.
It is often possible to reach an agreement over starting divorce proceedings, the parenting arrangements for the children and the financial settlement through taking legal advice and getting your solicitor to negotiate a parenting plan and financial settlement or advising you about your legal options during family mediation.
Seeking advice on your separation can provide you with the information you need to make an informed and supported decision about whether to separate and how to best plan for your future.
For specialist family law advice, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
