Divorce

With rental properties hard to find and expensive to rent, our family law solicitors receive numerous enquiries about whether a couple can legally separate and live in the family home.   If you need family law advice, contact Evolve Family Law.   What is a legal separation? A legal separation is where a husband and wife obtain a judicial separation from the family court. Applications for judicial separation are rare because: If you obtain a judicial separation, you will still need to divorce at a later stage. For example, if you want to remarry or if you need a financial court order to prevent further financial claims by your former spouse. You do not need a legal separation for official purposes. You can just tell agencies, such as the Inland Revenue or the Local Authority, that you are separated.   Do I need a legal separation? People often assume that they need a legal separation or a judicial separation order, but they do not unless they have a religious or cultural objection to a divorce and want to formalise their separation. If you plan to get divorced later, you don’t need a judicial separation first, as you can sort out your financial affairs by signing a separation agreement.   Can spouses live separately in the same house? You can separate or even divorce and still live in the same house. Some couples think that if they continue to live together, they cannot get divorced, but that isn’t correct. Under current English divorce law, you can get divorced if your marriage has irretrievably broken down by starting no-fault divorce proceedings.   Separating when your spouse will not leave the family home. If you have decided to separate and your husband or wife will not leave the family home, you have the option to: Apply for an injunction order – an occupation order can give you the right to occupy the family home to the exclusion of your partner until the long-term ownership or sale of the property is determined by agreement between you or by the court in divorce and financial settlement proceedings. Apply for a spousal maintenance order and child support so that you can afford to leave the family home and rent somewhere until the long-term ownership or sale of the family home is decided. It is best to take specialist legal advice from a divorce solicitor before leaving the family home and moving into rented accommodation. It may be best to stay in the family home if leaving will disrupt the children or if your spouse will delay sorting out a financial settlement or the sale of the property. Alternatively, you may need a child arrangement order if there is a dispute over the living arrangements for the children when you or your spouse moves out of the family home.   You might also be interested in [related_posts]   Separating and cannot sell the family home. Most people would agree that it is a tricky housing market, so whilst you may have decided to separate or divorce, you may not be able to sell the family home quickly. You can be separated or divorced and still live at the family home, although for some, it won’t be a very comfortable experience. Even in the best situations where you are splitting up amicably, it can still feel as if you are in limbo with your life suspended until you can achieve the sale of the family home. One way to reduce the stress of waiting for the sale of the family home is to have a financial agreement in place. A separation agreement means you know who will receive what when the property is sold. Although you may have concerns about having to drop the property sale price, a fair financial settlement can still be reached if you agree to receive a percentage share of the net proceeds of sale rather than a fixed amount. That way, you are both protected, whether house values move up or down. In divorce proceedings, a financial settlement can be reached by agreement or after financial settlement proceedings, but in either scenario, you should obtain a financial court order that records how all your assets will be divided, including the equity in the family home, savings, and pension provision. If you are separated but don’t want to start divorce proceedings, it is still best to record the financial settlement that you have agreed to avoid one of you changing your mind about how much you should get from the sale proceeds when you have found a buyer for the house. A document, called a separation agreement, should be prepared to formalise the agreement reached.   Manchester and Cheshire divorce solicitors The team of specialist divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law can help you with your separation and no-fault divorce proceedings, as well as child custody and contact, and reaching a financial settlement.   If you need family law advice, contact Evolve Family Law.   The Evolve Family Law offices are in Whitefield, North Manchester and Holmes Chapel, Cheshire.

There are no absolute right or wrong answers to what you should or should not do during a separation because your personal and financial circumstances are individual to you. However, our family law solicitors can offer general guidance about what it’s best not to do during a separation.   Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Expert Family Law Advice.   Why are you separating? The basis of your separation is relevant to what you should or should not do during your separation. That’s because if your separation is a trial separation, it’s important not to take any steps that mean it is less likely that you will get back together, such as: Not attending Relate or counselling sessions or telling your partner that they are a waste of time before you give the sessions a chance. Saying that you won’t go to individual counselling sessions. For example, to address anger management issues. Taking all the money out of a joint account without your partner’s agreement or advance knowledge. Refusing to pay towards household bills or child support (despite being in a financial position to do so) because you think that if your husband or wife finds it hard to manage financially without you, then the family are more likely to get back together Imposing an unrealistic timetable on the trial separation, for example, saying that your partner must decide if you are going to get back together or not within two weeks. Refusing to agree to contact arrangements with the children or not attending the family home for agreed contact with the children. Following your partner or sending numerous texts or social media messages so they end up feeling overwhelmed by you. Contacting your partner’s family or friends to try to get them to influence your husband, wife or partner to reconcile with you.   If your partner wants a trial separation, it is easy to feel angry about their decision if the news that the relationship is in trouble comes as a complete surprise to you, and to let your feelings sabotage the trial separation. Counselling and family law legal advice can help you resolve marital issues during a trial separation.   Family law advice during a trial separation Many couples going through a trial separation think that they should not seek specialist legal advice to explore their options. However, taking legal advice can be a sensible thing to do because it will help you determine if you or your spouse has grounds to initiate divorce proceedings and what the likely financial settlement and child care arrangements may be. That information may influence your thought process. Your consultation with a divorce solicitor is completely confidential to you. You do not need to tell your husband or wife that you have taken legal advice if you do not want to do so. They may have also taken family law advice and decided to say nothing about talking to a family law solicitor until you decide on whether you are going to be able to reconcile or not.   Warning signs during a separation If you are desperate to make a trial separation work and to reconcile with your spouse, it can be tempting to ignore warning bells. You should not do that; instead, you should seek legal advice. Warning signs include your husband or wife: Transferring large amounts out of savings or investment accounts. Taking out loans against the family home – this is especially concerning if the family home is registered in your spouse’s sole name. This can be prevented by registering a notice with the land registry. Asking you to leave the family home partway through the trial separation, or if it becomes apparent that they are planning to sell the family home. If the family home is owned in their sole name, there are steps that you can take to protect yourself. Selling assets or transferring property, such as shares in a family business, to a family member. Asking you to sign a postnuptial agreement. Starting to make plans to relocate overseas with the children. Any of these warning bells, or anything else of concern to you, means you should quickly talk to a family law solicitor rather than trust that the trial separation is a genuine attempt to repair your relationship whilst you both give one another space.   You might also be interested in [related_posts]   What should you not do if a separation is permanent?  If you know that your separation is permanent, or if a trial separation has not worked out, then it is often assumed that it is ‘no holds barred’ with divorce lawyers. However, divorce solicitors say that approach can be counterproductive and result in it being harder for you to reach an agreement over childcare arrangements or a financial settlement. If your separation is permanent, then generally you should not: Leave the family home before taking legal advice – it may be preferable for your partner to leave instead of you, or you may be able to get an injunction order requiring them to leave. Reach an agreement on childcare arrangements or a financial settlement without first taking divorce legal advice – that’s because if you agree to something that isn’t in your best interests during direct discussions with your husband or wife, it is then far harder to get them to accept a fairer childcare or financial arrangement. Stop contact between the children and the other parent because you are angry about your husband or wife’s behaviour. Contact should only be stopped after legal advice and if there are child care safety or other child-related issues. Feel rushed into starting divorce proceedings because of pressure from family or friends to do so. Start divorce proceedings without either you or your divorce solicitor first informing your husband or wife of your intention to do so. Unless the situation is urgent, it is usually better to inform your partner about the planned divorce proceedings, as this can help reduce animosity. It also makes it easier for you to reach a financial settlement or agree on child custody and contact arrangements. Every separation is different, and individuals react differently to a separation. That’s why there are no hard and fast rules on what you should or should not do if you separate from a partner or spouse. One of the best things that you can do is ensure that you are not rushed into making decisions and have the information you need to make informed decisions. A divorce solicitor can help you with that, whether your separation is a trial separation or a permanent separation.   How can Evolve Family Law help you?    The friendly and approachable divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law talk to people who don’t know whether they want to separate or not, as well as to husbands or wives who are very clear that divorce proceedings are the right path for them. We can assist with: Preliminary consultations for those contemplating a separation. Initial advice on staying in the family home and injunction orders. Advice on short and long-term living arrangements for the children. Help with short-term negotiations on child support and spousal maintenance, and with a long-term financial settlement.   Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Expert Family Law Advice.   The Evolve Family Law offices are in Whitefield, North Manchester and Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. We also offer remote meetings by appointment via video call or telephone.

When you are married to a narcissist, it can feel as if there isn’t a way out of the relationship. There is always a way out, and in this blog, our divorce solicitors look at your best options if you want to divorce a narcissist. Call Evolve Family Law for specialist family law advice or complete our online enquiry form.   Can I divorce a narcissist? When you are married to a narcissist and subject to constant belittlement, it can be hard to contemplate feeling empowered enough to start divorce proceedings, especially if you are told by your husband, wife or civil partner that you can’t leave and you can’t get divorced. You can divorce your spouse by starting no-fault divorce proceedings. Although your spouse may not want you to leave or to start divorce proceedings, the reality is that they cannot oppose a no-fault divorce. Our divorce lawyers provide legal advice on no-fault divorce and, in most cases, offer fixed-fee divorce services. Narcissists' threats about what will happen if you start divorce proceedings   Often, the question isn’t about whether you can start divorce proceedings against a narcissist, but whether their threats that you will ‘walk away with nothing’ or ‘you won’t see the children again’ are realistic. As specialist Northwest divorce solicitors, we find that many people who are married to spouses with narcissistic personality disorders wait a long time before taking legal advice because their partners have told them that divorce proceedings will result in them losing custody of their children or not having enough money to look after themselves and the children. That is very rarely true, but it is hard to believe that your divorce lawyer is right when the person you are married to is so adamant in their beliefs.   Tips on divorcing a narcissist  The first steps in divorcing a narcissist are: Recognising the problem – that is harder than you may think if you have been subject to demeaning comments for years and lost a lot of your confidence. Get help – that can be from your GP, a counsellor, friend or family member – it is important to have emotional and practical help if you are getting divorced and especially if you are divorcing a narcissist. Take legal advice – an expert divorce solicitor can help reassure you about your legal rights and give you an idea of the likely financial settlement and the childcare arrangements for your children, so that you have the confidence to decide whether you want to start divorce proceedings. Focus on what is important to you – if you have been living with a narcissist, it is hard to gain the confidence and determination to start divorce proceedings. That’s why it is essential to focus on why you are doing it. For example, your motivation may be not wanting your children to be affected by your partner’s narcissistic personality disorder, or you not wanting to be in the same position in ten or more years. Remember, what is important to you is the crucial point. That means you should not substitute the views of friends or family for the control imposed on you by your narcissistic partner, as you need to look at what’s best for you.   You might also be interested in [related_posts]   Fears about divorcing a narcissist If you are married to someone with a narcissistic personality disorder, you may worry about whether to mention the full extent of your partner’s behaviour to your divorce solicitor. The reluctance to be fully open with your divorce lawyer can be due to: Embarrassment. Fear that you won’t be believed. Worry that you will be thought to be the one with the ‘problem’. Concern that your partner will react badly if they think that you have said things about them. Thinking that it is pointless to say anything about your partner’s behaviour, as it won’t make any difference.  Your partner’s belief that they are brilliant and exceptional and, of course, always in the right. Your partner’s belief that you are in the wrong and worthless in comparison to them, so your views and feelings don’t count. Extreme reactions if you or anyone else questions your partner’s sense of self-importance or entitlement.   A narcissist is a challenge for anyone who lives with them, as well as for divorce solicitors and the family court. That’s why it is essential that you instruct a divorce solicitor with experience of dealing with those with narcissistic personality disorders, and that you tell your divorce lawyer about the extent of the issues you’ve faced so they can help you. Tell your divorce solicitor if your spouse has a narcissistic personality disorder You may not think that it matters whether your divorce solicitor knows about your partner’s narcissistic personality disorder traits, but it is essential because: If you have children, then your partner’s narcissistic personality may be affecting the children and even influencing how they treat you, as they are so used to seeing you belittled by your partner. That may influence your solicitor’s advice on the best child care arrangements to suit you and your circumstances and to reduce ongoing emotional harm to your children. If your partner is a narcissistic person, then family mediation is unlikely to be a sensible option to try to resolve financial or child care matters, as your partner won’t listen to anyone’s views other than their own, so you’d be better using either family arbitration or court proceedings to reach an enforceable decision. If your partner exerts coercive and controlling behaviour, then you may want to minimise future financial links with them. This could, for example, involve agreeing to a clean break financial court order rather than ongoing spousal maintenance, so you get additional capital rather than having to rely on your former partner paying regular spousal maintenance payments to you. If your partner is abusive, you may need the protection of an injunction order or a child arrangement order to protect you and the children.   How can Evolve Family Law help me? At Evolve Family Law, our divorce solicitors will be very honest with you and tell you that they know, from experience, that starting divorce proceedings against someone with a narcissistic personality disorder is hard. You’ll therefore need all the help and expert support you can get. A narcissistic person needs to feel that they are in control and the winner. That may mean you have to start financial court proceedings to get financial disclosure from your partner and get a fair financial court order, or it may mean you need a child arrangement order to restrict their contact with the children or an injunction order to stop the coercion and domestic abuse. Our specialist divorce solicitors are not only experienced in securing these types of orders but are also adept at finding a way through divorce proceedings involving a partner with narcissistic personality traits.   Call Evolve Family Law for specialist family law advice or complete our online enquiry form.   Our latest blogs

Any separation or divorce is a painful process, but it can be challenging when you are leaving an abusive partner. At Evolve Family Law, our divorce solicitors have experience in helping people separating from abusive partners.   Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.   Deciding to leave an abusive partner It is difficult to decide to leave a husband, wife or partner. People often think that the decision to separate is easy if you are leaving an abusive partner, as ending the relationship is the ‘obvious’ thing to do. As specialist divorce lawyers helping those involved in abusive relationships, our solicitors know that it is no easier to leave an abusive partner than it is to leave a caring and kind partner, where the relationship is at an end because the couple have drifted apart. There is help available to decide whether ending a relationship is the right thing for you. Counsellors, therapists and domestic violence charities all offer a sounding board. Family and friends can also be a good source of support if they are good listeners and able to let you make your own decision. A divorce lawyer can give you the legal information you need before you decide to leave your partner.   How do you leave an abusive partner? You may think the answer to the question ‘how do you leave an abusive partner?’ is obvious – you get up and leave. However, Cheshire divorce solicitors who work with people in abusive relationships know that it isn’t as easy as that. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is particularly important to plan your departure to make sure you and your children are safe. Here are our divorce solicitors' tips on how to leave an abusive partner: Get help and support – the support can be from friends, family, your doctor or counsellor, the police, a domestic violence agency or another source. Have an escape plan – if you are leaving a partner, it is normal to discuss why the relationship hasn’t worked out and why you are either leaving or want them to go. If you are leaving an abusive partner, it may not be safe to have that discussion. You may either need to leave without telling them about your plans or where you are going, or you may need injunction orders to protect you. Be practical – if you are making phone calls or using the internet, or you or the children are posting things on Facebook, think about whether your abusive partner will be able to trace you from those activities. If you are planning on leaving, think about what you will need to take with you to avoid returning for essential items. If the children are in school, make sure teachers know why you may need to collect the children early or arrange for someone else to do so. Protect yourself – if you are at immediate risk, then don’t follow any escape plan but get immediate help from the police. If you are not at immediate risk but are worried about your safety, then speak to a divorce solicitor about getting emergency injunction orders (called non-molestation and occupation orders) or children orders (called child arrangements orders or prohibited steps orders) to safeguard your children. Take legal advice – ideally, you should take legal advice before you leave an abusive partner so that you know where you stand legally and whether, for example, you can make them leave the family home, if you can change the locks, stop contact or get interim financial support. Be strong – you may think that you are not strong enough to leave or to withstand the pressure from your partner to return or their attempts to find you and exact revenge because you left. Leaving isn’t always the easy option, and that is why you may need support to stay strong.   Is my partner abusive? You may think that the question ‘Is my partner abusive?’ should have a straightforward answer. However, it isn’t uncommon for those leaving abusive relationships not to recognise their partner’s behaviour as abuse. That can be for a variety of reasons, such as: You understandably don’t want to be a victim of abuse, and so minimise your partner’s behaviour. You have a narrow view of what amounts to abusive behaviour because you have been coached into thinking that psychological abuse or coercive and controlling behaviour is not abusive. You have been told that your partner’s behaviour is normal or that it only occurs because of your demands. Your partner isn’t abusive to the children, so it must be your behaviour that is at fault and not that of your partner. Most injunction lawyers understand why a victim does not see their spouse’s behaviour as abusive during the relationship, and therefore why it is so hard for the victim to recognise their spouse’s behaviour as abuse when they separate from their abusive partner. If you have been told repeatedly that you are ‘mental’ or the one with the ‘problem’, it is all too easy to get sucked into believing that the abuse only occurs because your partner cares about you.   What is domestic abuse?   The definition of domestic abuse is extensive. Nowadays, courts and divorce lawyers recognise that abuse in a relationship isn’t limited to physical assaults. Domestic abuse includes: Verbal and emotional abuse, such as belittling you or telling you that you are mentally unwell or not a fit parent. Financial control, such as withholding money from you, so you are reliant on your partner. Intimidation and mind games, such as telling you that they will kill themselves or leave their job, so you will end up with nothing but guilt if you leave. Exercising coercion and control, such as not letting you see your family or being unwilling to let you go out to work or to have a bank account. There are numerous examples of what amounts to abusive behaviour in a relationship. Sometimes it takes talking to a friend, counsellor or divorce solicitor about your relationship to recognise the behaviour for what it is and to start to acknowledge the physical and emotional impact of your partner’s abusive behaviour on you.   Leaving an abusive partner If you are contemplating leaving an abusive partner, the number one priority is to make sure that you are safe and are empowered to do so. It is stressful leaving any relationship, but if your partner is abusive, the physical departure can be a dangerous trigger point unless handled carefully. Just as importantly, if you have been in an abusive relationship for a long time, it can be easy to succumb to promises of change or being told that you can’t leave because you won’t be able to take the children with you, or you won’t get a penny. It can feel as if there is no escape from an abusive partner, but that isn’t the case. With emotional and legal support, you can leave an abusive partner safely and rebuild your life.   Getting help with an abusive partner When you live with an abusive partner, it is hard to reach out and ask for help. That can be down to feelings of embarrassment or because you love your partner and want to stay in the relationship, but want the abuse to stop. Divorce lawyers find it is often the case that those in abusive relationships are too frightened to speak out and ask for help, as they fear what will happen if they do. That is understandable, as the last thing that you or they want is for your situation to be any worse than it is. If you are worried about seeing a divorce solicitor, then you can come to a meeting to discuss leaving an abusive partner with a friend or member of your family. They can help give you the courage to go, but remember that whilst friends and family can offer emotional and practical support, the decision to leave must come from you. If you don’t have friends or family to support you (or would be worried about things getting back to your partner), many supportive organisations and charities are there to help with information and advice, as well as individuals, such as your GP or a counsellor, who can support you in your decision to leave your abusive partner. Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.   Divorcing an abusive partner You do not need to refer to your partner’s behaviour to obtain a divorce. With the introduction of no-fault divorce proceedings, all you need to do is file an application saying that you think the marriage has irretrievably broken down. Even if your spouse does not share your view, they cannot oppose your divorce application. In the divorce proceedings, you will need a divorce solicitor who can stand up to your partner, ensure that you and your children get the legal protection you need, and help you make your own decisions about what you want.   Children and leaving an abusive partner It isn’t unusual for divorce lawyers to be told that someone has stayed in an abusive relationship for years, for the sake of the children. That can be down to a whole variety of factors, such as: Your abusive partner has told you that they will get custody of the children, and they won’t let you see the children because they will turn the children against you. You think that you would have to leave the family home, and you are worried that this will affect the children. The children love their other parent, and you don’t want them to grow up in a single-parent family. The timing to separate isn’t right because of a child’s exams or the start of primary or secondary school. The research into children and separation and divorce shows that: Children are remarkably resilient. Often, children know when there is something wrong with their parents’ relationship. Although the children may not have seen any domestic violence or physical assaults, because you have protected them, they can still pick up on the vibe in the household and be emotionally affected by it. Children prefer to live in two households rather than have their parents living together in an abusive relationship with a toxic atmosphere.   Child arrangement orders when leaving an abusive partner It is natural to feel very anxious about childcare arrangements if you are planning to leave an abusive partner. The priority is to ensure that you and the children are safe from any domestic violence (or the children witnessing it), so injunction applications can be made to safeguard you and the children. In addition, you can apply for a child arrangements order. In an emergency, a child arrangements order can be made quickly to protect the children. A child arrangement order can: Say the children should live with you, on a short-term or long-term basis. Set out whether the children should see your partner, and if so, whether the contact visits should take place in a supervised setting (for example, at a contact centre or in the presence of a member of your family or a trusted friend) and spell out the safe handover and collection arrangements.   Abuse allegations and child arrangement order applications If you and your abusive partner need to go to court to sort out the child care arrangements, it is essential that: Your husband or wife’s abusive behaviour and its impact on you and the children is explained by your solicitor as part of the court process; and The court looks at whether a finding of fact hearing is needed to decide on the domestic abuse allegations before it makes orders under the Children Act. If a finding of abuse is made, then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the abusive parent if the court believes that the physical and emotional safety of you and your children can be protected before, during and after the contact. Many divorcing partners are adamant that they want their children to see their other parent, even though there has been abuse within the relationship. That is because they want their children to have a relationship with both parents. If you are satisfied that the children will be safe during contact, then it is essential to ensure that you are also safe during the handover of the children for contact. For example, you may not want your abusive partner coming to the house to collect the children, but would prefer a neutral handover where there is less chance that your partner will ‘kick off’ or say anything that will upset the children.   You might also be interested in [related_posts]   Leaving an abusive partner and getting a financial settlement It is natural to worry that even if you are safely able to leave an abusive partner, they will make sure that you ‘end up with nothing’. Divorce solicitors are experts in making sure that not only are you protected from an abusive partner, but that you also receive a fair financial settlement and that you are not bullied or coerced into accepting less than you need or are entitled to. Your lawyer can either negotiate with your ex-partner or start financial court proceedings. Whether you negotiate or start court proceedings, the important thing is that you have a solicitor on your side, making sure: You have the information and financial disclosure orders necessary to make financial decisions. Any financial settlement is reality tested to make sure that the financial court order meets your needs and is capable of enforcement if your partner remains difficult and uncooperative.   Legal help with an abusive partner Abusive partners tend to be bullies and don’t want or like anyone standing up to them. Courts don’t like bullies, so whether you are being physically assaulted, emotionally abused or financially controlled, there is help available from divorce solicitors and the family court to: Protect you through the making of non-molestation and occupation injunction orders. Financially protect you through the making of child support, spousal maintenance, property and pension orders and orders to enforce compliance if your abusive partner won’t comply with court orders. Protect the family through child arrangement orders to ensure your children are safe.   Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly. We provide the expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice that you need when you are separating from an abusive partner and need someone on your side.   Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.   Our latest blogs

If you are married to a narcissist, you may need specialist legal advice to sort out your separation and divorce. Otherwise, you may find that your needs or those of your children are not adequately addressed. At Evolve Family Law, our Northwest divorce solicitors are experts in advising in divorce, children and financial proceedings where one spouse has behaved unreasonably, is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder.   Call Evolve Family Law for specialist family law advice or complete our online enquiry form. Is my spouse a narcissist? In any blog on divorcing a narcissist, it is important to look at some of the essential traits of a narcissist to help you understand if your spouse has the personality characteristics of a narcissist. The Oxford dictionary defines a narcissist as a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Narcissists are said to have the following personality traits: A sense of self-importance. A sense of entitlement. Requiring praise and attention. Willing to exploit and use others without feeling a sense of guilt or shame. Able to demean and belittle other people without worrying about the impact of their behaviour on others. Able to live in their fantasy world where they are the centre of attention.   Do any of those traits sound like your husband or wife? If so, you may need help from a counsellor to talk through how you feel about remaining in the relationship. Our divorce lawyers can advise you on the likely legal implications if you decide to separate or, if you have decided to separate or divorce, apply for a no-fault divorce and help you reach a childcare arrangement and financial court order. Getting divorced from a narcissist Divorcing is stressful, even when it is amicable. However, when your husband or wife is a narcissist, it can feel as if there is no escape from your marriage. There is, but you will need support, both legal and emotional.   If you are married to someone who exhibits narcissistic traits or has a narcissistic personality disorder, then you need to accept that your husband or wife won’t think that they are at fault or that anything they do is wrong. It can, therefore, be futile to have direct discussions on the reasons behind why you think the relationship is at an end. If they are a narcissist, they won’t engage or accept any fault.   A narcissist will turn any discussion about your marriage and separation into a tirade on looking at the impact of what is happening on them, rather than the impact on you or the children. If you have the sort of personality that gets stressed or know you will end up too frazzled to deal with the separation if your spouse starts to belittle you, then it may be best to leave things in the hands of your divorce solicitor. A divorce lawyer who has experience with narcissistic personality disorders and divorce will have the strategies to sort out your separation and divorce.  Divorce proceedings and narcissists Getting divorced is now straightforward, as you do not need to blame your spouse, nor do they need to blame you. That’s because the UK government has introduced no-fault divorce.   In no-fault divorce proceedings, the applicant for a divorce must be able to say that, in their opinion, the marriage has irretrievably broken down. The applicant’s opinion is sufficient. There is no need for the other spouse to agree and no need to substantiate the claim that the marriage is at an end with examples of unreasonable behaviour.   When a narcissist thinks that they are not in control of a situation, they can try to stop you from doing what you plan. That is not possible with no-fault divorce proceedings, as the applicant can decide to start the divorce application, and the respondent only has very limited grounds to object to the divorce.  The grounds to object to the divorce are limited to areas such as: You are not legally married. The respondent has already initiated divorce proceedings in another country. The English court does not have the jurisdiction to grant a divorce as neither spouse is domiciled or habitually resident in England and Wales.   Although a spouse with a narcissistic personality disorder cannot stop you from getting divorced, they can make the process challenging. Their behaviour may deteriorate, and that can be a concern if you are still living together in the family home or trying to negotiate a financial settlement or parenting arrangements once you are living in separate households. You need a strong, no-nonsense solicitor on your side who won’t get caught up in your spouse’s tirades but instead will focus on your divorce and sorting out the arrangements for the children and the financial settlement. Getting help with a narcissist spouse When you are separating or getting divorced from a narcissist spouse, you need all the legal and emotional support you can get. Your friends and family may not realise what you have been through and are currently coping with. That is because your spouse may present a ‘front’ to the outside world where they appear charming and worried about you and your ‘breakdown.’   First and foremost, there is no point in challenging what your spouse is saying to friends and family. If you do, then it is only likely to fuel matters as your husband or wife won’t be able to see the error of their ways as they are only able to see things from their perspective. That can be very hard for you to cope with. That’s why seeing a counsellor or therapist can help you see the situation you are in for what it is, rather than accepting your spouse’s interpretation of events based on their fantasy world where you are the only one at fault. Divorce and the narcissist parent When you are divorcing a husband or wife with narcissist traits or who has a narcissistic personality disorder, it is easy to feel very guilty about your children and in a quandary about what to do about childcare arrangements. Whilst your spouse is only likely to be interested in themselves, they may ask the court to order that the children live with him or her as part of their mind control games or because they know their stance will frighten you.   Whilst it can be tempting to say that a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder should not have contact with their children after the separation or divorce, this may not be realistic. For example, older children may want ongoing contact with the other parent, or you may need help with childcare. What’s more, if you say that you do not want your child to have contact with the other parent, they may raise accusations of parental alienation even though all you are trying to do is to protect your child from a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder. If you and your spouse end up in court over the childcare arrangements, it is essential that: Your husband or wife’s narcissistic traits are outlined neutrally, and The impact of their behaviour on you and your children is fully explained. That is important because many of the behaviours of a narcissist amount to abuse, such as controlling or coercive behaviour.   In an application for a child arrangement order, the court must consider any allegations of domestic abuse carefully. Abuse includes emotional abuse or psychological abuse of you or the children. If a finding of abuse is made, then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the narcissistic parent if the court is satisfied that the physical and emotional safety of the child and the parent with whom the child lives can, as far as possible, be secured before, during and after the contact. An experienced Cheshire divorce solicitor can put the case in children proceedings for expert reports on a parent with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits. A psychologist or other expert can be asked to report on either the parent or on the whole family and assess the impact of the narcissistic parent’s behaviour on you and the children. Many divorcing partners are wary about labelling a narcissistic parent an ‘abuser’, but it is essential to recognise that abuse isn’t just physical and the effects of coercive and controlling behaviour can be insidious on you and your children. A specialist divorce lawyer can help you recognise that and work out childcare arrangements that best protect your children, or can robustly represent you in court proceedings.   You might also be interested in [related_posts] How to get a financial settlement from a narcissist Usually, a finance solicitor will recommend that they negotiate with your spouse to reach a financial settlement or provide legal advice to you between family mediation sessions. If your spouse is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder, then the advice may be different. That’s because it can be impossible to negotiate with a narcissist, as they always think they are right and can’t see anyone else’s point of view, other than their own. To the narcissist, it is all about their financial wants and needs and not yours or the children’s needs.   If you start financial court proceedings, there is a court timetable put in place so your spouse can’t delay or prevaricate, and the judge can ultimately decide on what financial orders are made. No one likes to think that a judge will take control of the family finances and make a financial court order deciding whether, for example, the family home should be sold or if you should get a share of the pension or the family business. However, when you are dealing with a narcissist, there may be little alternative as your spouse won’t be prepared to compromise.   You may think that you know your spouse and that even if the family judge makes an order to transfer the family home into your sole name, your spouse will not sign the paperwork to do so. The court is used to dealing with spouses who won’t cooperate. If necessary, the judge can sign the property paperwork on behalf of your spouse. The court also has the power to make financial disclosure orders and to draw adverse inferences if your spouse won’t accept the authority of the court.   Narcissistic spouses like to think that they are very powerful, during the relationship and the divorce, children and financial proceedings. That is why it is so important that you choose a divorce solicitor who won’t be intimidated or fazed by your spouse’s behaviour. Instead, your divorce solicitor will focus on securing your divorce and obtaining children and financial court orders that best meet yours and your children’s needs.   Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly, providing expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice with experience in handling divorces where a spouse has a narcissistic personality disorder. Contact us today and let us help you Our latest blogs

A guide on all you need to know about no-fault divorce In this guide, our divorce solicitors answer your questions about how to get a no-fault divorce. For specialist family law advice, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form. What is no-fault divorce? No-fault divorce refers to the divorce process. It is called no fault because fault has been removed from divorce court proceedings. This means you no longer start divorce proceedings based on adultery or unreasonable behaviour. Instead, divorce proceedings are started because the marriage has broken down. Grounds for a no-fault divorce To apply for a no-fault divorce, you need to file a divorce application and state that your marriage has irretrievably broken down. You do not need to say why the marriage is at an end. You also don’t need to have been separated for a specified period. As the grounds for divorce are simplified, it is no longer possible to contest or oppose a divorce other than in very unusual circumstances. Who can apply for a no-fault divorce? In no-fault divorce proceedings, there are three options: You and your spouse can apply jointly for a no-fault divorce, or You can apply for the divorce on your own, or Your husband or wife can make the divorce application. Whether you apply jointly or individually, the divorce process is similar. If you apply together, you are referred to as Applicant One and Applicant Two. If you submit the application, you will be the applicant, and your spouse will be the respondent. From a divorce solicitor's perspective, we would generally prefer you to either make the application jointly or to make the application yourself, so that you are in full or partial control of the divorce process and it does not get stalled if you want to obtain your divorce as quickly as possible. You might also be interested in [related_posts] The no-fault divorce court process The no-fault divorce process consists of four steps: You apply for a divorce – this could be a joint application or an application made by one of you. The applicant confirms they want to go ahead with the divorce. The court makes a conditional order – this used to be called the decree nisi of divorce. After a wait of six weeks, the applicant can apply for the final order – this used to be called the decree absolute of divorce. Between steps one and two, there is a twenty-week wait. That period can’t be shortened as it is part of the no-fault divorce law. How long does a no-fault divorce take? Divorce solicitors estimate that no-fault divorces will take approximately six months from the start of the divorce application to the final divorce order. However, the timescales may be slightly longer if there are delays between the four stages. For example, because you want extra time to reflect or because you don’t want to progress the divorce proceedings over the Christmas period. A no-fault divorce is therefore not a quickie divorce, but it does have two advantages: There is no need to blame your husband or wife for the marriage breakdown, and so there is no need to negotiate the grounds for the divorce application. A no-fault divorce may reduce acrimony and help you reach an agreement on child custody and contact, or the financial settlement. No-fault divorce, child custody, and contact In a no-fault divorce, the court is not asked to decide on the future parenting arrangements for your children after your divorce. Ideally, you will be able to agree on the parenting arrangements either directly, through help from family law solicitors, or in family mediation. If you are unable to reach a childcare agreement, either you or your spouse can make a separate application for a child arrangement order. This order will say if the care of the children is shared and will specify the amount of parenting time the child will spend with each parent. If you are concerned about child abduction or you want to move overseas with your children after your divorce, then you can apply to the family court for a prohibited steps order or relocation order. No-fault divorce and financial settlements In a no-fault divorce, the court is not asked to decide who gets what assets in a financial settlement unless either you or your husband or wife asks the court to do so. If you can reach a financial settlement by agreement, you can jointly ask the court to approve a financial consent order. If you can’t reach a financial settlement by agreement, either one of you can file a document, called a form A, to start financial proceedings. There is then a series of court hearings to ensure that financial disclosure takes place and assets are valued. Afterwards, a judge holds a final hearing to decide on the financial settlement and issue a financial court order. At any stage in the financial proceedings, you can reach an agreement and ask the court to approve a financial consent order. The fact that divorce proceedings are based on no fault will not affect the amount you receive as a financial settlement, because if a husband or wife has behaved very badly, you can refer to this in the financial proceedings. However, behaviour must be very extreme to affect a financial settlement, and the behaviour needs to be linked to financial matters. For example, allegations of domestic violence may be relevant to the financial settlement if the victim of domestic abuse cannot work and needs spousal maintenance for a period of time because of the physical or emotional impact of the domestic violence on their ability to find employment or to return to work.   If you have questions about the no-fault divorce court process or need advice on children or financial settlement issues, the divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law are here to help.   For specialist family law advice, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form. Frequently Asked Questions on No-fault Divorce Do you need to say why you want to get divorced? In no-fault divorce proceedings, you do not need to explain why you want a divorce. The only requirement is that you can state, in your opinion, that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. Can my spouse oppose my no-fault divorce application? It is difficult for a spouse to oppose a no-fault divorce application because all the person applying has to state is that they believe the marriage has broken down irretrievably. If your spouse disagrees, this does not give them grounds to oppose your application. If no-fault divorce proceedings are opposed, it is normally because the court lacks jurisdiction. This could be because one spouse says there are ongoing divorce proceedings in another country, or that the court in England does not have jurisdiction as neither spouse is a British citizen and neither is domiciled or habitually resident in the UK. Jurisdiction is a complex issue. Therefore, it's best to consult a family law solicitor if jurisdiction is queried. How long must we be married for to initiate divorce proceedings? You must have been married for at least 12 months before you can initiate divorce proceedings. If you have been married for less than 12 months, a family law solicitor can help get the paperwork ready so you can file the divorce proceedings on the 12-month anniversary. They can also help you reach a financial agreement on how your assets are split and draft a separation agreement. How long must we be separated for before we can start divorce proceedings? There is no minimum period of separation before a husband or wife can apply for a divorce. The only requirement is that you can state that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. How much does a no-fault divorce cost? At Evolve Family Law, we offer fixed-fee divorce services for most divorce applications. If your separation is relatively amicable, our One Lawyer Amicable Divorce Service may help you both file for divorce, obtain an agreed financial consent order and draw up a parenting plan. The service is provided by specially trained family lawyers who can advise and prepare all necessary legal documents to obtain your final order of divorce and financial consent order. For expert advice, complete our online enquiry form.

If you are separating or divorcing and have questions about how your husband or wife’s behaviour will affect your financial settlement, then the divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law can help you.  Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form. Divorce proceedings and unreasonable behaviour Since the introduction of no-fault divorce proceedings, all you need to say to obtain a divorce is that, in your opinion, your marriage has irretrievably broken down. There is no longer a requirement to explain the reasons behind the breakdown of the relationship, and no need to cite and give examples of a spouse’s unreasonable behaviour. Divorce law was changed to make it less acrimonious. A husband or wife no longer needs to think of six to eight ways in which their spouse behaved unreasonably. That’s a good thing, as no-fault divorce avoids disputes over who should start the divorce proceedings. Although you can no longer refer to unreasonable behaviour in divorce proceedings, you can refer to unreasonable behaviour on the part of your spouse when applying for: An injunction order – a non-molestation order or occupation order. Children law order, such as a child arrangement order, specific issue order, prohibited steps order or relocation order. Financial court order – if the circumstances justify it. Bad behaviour and the impact on divorce financial settlements When you ask the court to make a financial court order, you can ask the court to consider your spouse’s bad behaviour when deciding on the size or structure of the financial settlement. The court is duty-bound to consider several factors (referred to as the Section 25 factors, as they are contained in Section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973). One of the factors is conduct if the court thinks it would be inequitable to disregard it. Alleging behaviour in financial  proceedings When you file your Form E in the financial court proceedings, you have the option to include a reference to bad behaviour. The court may ask you to file a detailed statement setting out your behaviour allegations and how they should affect the financial settlement, and your spouse will be given the opportunity to reply. The threshold to raise bad behaviour is high. Although your husband or wife may have behaved very badly by having an affair, being abusive or being a spendthrift, you should speak to a divorce solicitor about whether the bad behaviour will be considered relevant in the financial court proceedings. A specialist finance lawyer will advise you on the best way to secure a financial court order that meets your needs after balancing the impact of the bad behaviour on you and the likelihood that the court will consider it relevant, having regard to statute and caselaw. Is the bad behaviour gross and obvious? The court’s view is that a spouse’s conduct will only affect the financial settlement if it is ‘gross and obvious,’ and so serious that it would be unfair for it to be ignored. Whether a spouse’s conduct has been serious enough to be classed as ‘gross and obvious’ will be a highly subjective decision. What is classed as bad behaviour in financial court proceedings? Several forms of bad behaviour or conduct may affect the size or structure of a financial settlement. These include: If a spouse has a gambling addiction and has gambled away a lot of the family’s money. If a spouse has assaulted and injured the other spouse, so that the injured spouse’s ability to work and earn money has been affected. If a spouse has been found guilty of a financial criminal offence. For example, a conviction for fraud will prevent the spouse from providing spousal maintenance or child support for their family. If a spouse has remortgaged the family home without telling the other spouse, and used the mortgage funds for their purposes. Every family situation is different, so although you may believe your spouse’s behaviour was gross, it is best to check with a divorce lawyer. The family law solicitor can advise if the specific behaviour is likely to have an impact on your financial settlement after assessing all the circumstances.  You might also be interested in [related_posts]   What is financial misconduct during the financial court proceedings? A spouse or former spouse may behave badly during the financial court proceedings. Examples of this type of behaviour include: Dragging out the financial proceedings, or running up needless and excessive legal costs. This isn’t usually reflected in the financial settlement. Instead, the court can order the irresponsible spouse to pay some or a proportion of the other spouse’s legal costs. Hiding assets or transferring assets to family members. The court can be asked to make a Section 37 injunction order or to join family members into the financial court proceedings. A spouse lying about their financial situation and not giving full financial disclosure. The judge can deal with poor behaviour  during the court proceedings by: Ordering the guilty spouse to pay some or all the other spouse’s legal costs. Structuring the financial settlement differently. Assuming, when making a final financial decision, that the guilty spouse is much wealthier than they say they are. If the lying is discovered after a final decision, the decision or financial court order can be set aside, and the process started again. Financial settlements can be structured differently if the judge accepts that a spouse has behaved badly or is not trustworthy. For example, a judge may think that it is best to award a spouse a larger share of the equity in the family home because there is a risk that if the equity were split equally, the wealthier spouse would not pay the ordered spousal maintenance because their behaviour during the marriage or the proceedings indicates they are not trustworthy. How much does bad behaviour change the financial settlement? The impact of the conduct on the financial settlement will vary greatly and entirely depends upon the circumstances of a family. A specialist family law will consider: The bad behaviour. The impact of the bad behaviour on the other spouse. The additional costs of arguing that bad behaviour is relevant to the financial court order. The likely prospects of the court agreeing that the bad behaviour is relevant to the financial settlement and awarding a better financial settlement. In every case of bad behaviour, your divorce solicitor will carry out a cost-benefit analysis of whether the additional time spent arguing your valid points will help you achieve a better financial settlement. Sometimes it won't, but your divorce lawyer will instead recommend an alternative strategy to get you the best financial settlement possible, such as: Filing a questionnaire to ask specific questions about your spouse’s financial disclosure and asking for more paperwork. Asking the judge for permission to instruct a forensic accountant to assess the value of a family business. Instructing a shadow accountant to investigate complex financial transactions or investments. Asking a pension actuary to value the pensions accurately. Why choose Evolve Family Law as your divorce lawyers? Here are three reasons to choose Evolve Family Law as your divorce solicitors: We are a niche law firm specialising in family law and private client services with offices in Holmes Chapel and Whitefield. All our divorce lawyers are experts in their field. They are also approachable and will do their best to answer all your questions and help you reach a financial settlement or childcare arrangement that suits you. Many of our family law services are provided on a fixed fee basis. When we charge on an hourly basis, we are transparent about our fees. Here are some client reviews. If you need family law legal advice, we are here to help. Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.

In this blog, Louise Halford, a family lawyer specialising in children's law, examines what children want from shared parenting.   Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form for children's law advice.   What is shared parenting? To some, shared parenting means equal parenting, where a child’s time is split equally between the two parental households. To the court and family lawyers, shared parenting is a more encompassing concept. A child can live with one parent under a child arrangement order but participate in a shared parenting arrangement because their other parent has contact and actively cares for them. Take the case of two separated parents who parent 50/50 but don’t communicate with one another, unless they have no choice. The anger and animosity during their separation and in financial settlement negotiations meant their divorce was labelled as high-conflict. They are now engaged in shared parenting, but not in the spirit of it. Contrast their co-parenting with a Mother who has a child arrangement order and a child who lives with her 60% of the time. You may think that isn't shared parenting, but the Dad is actively engaged in all important parental decision-making, and both parents communicate with one another to provide their child with consistent parenting and routines. As a children lawyer, Louise Halford prefers to use the broad definition of shared parenting as that encapsulates what shared parenting should be. It should not relate to percentages or the hours spent with a child, but rather to sharing the job of being a parent and quality time.   The court's approach to shared parenting The court has moved away from weekend contact to an absent parent (traditionally the Dad), and nowadays, a child arrangement order with shared parenting is usual unless: The parents engaged in a high-conflict divorce, or There was domestic violence in the parental relationship, or Child welfare reasons prevent shared parenting, or The child is of an age to say that they do not want a shared parenting arrangement, or Geographical reasons make shared parenting impractical. Child welfare issues include factors such as parental alcohol or drug addiction, mental health, or other issues that lead the court to conclude that a shared parenting arrangement is not in the child’s best interests.   Shared parenting after a high-conflict divorce It can be hard for separated or divorced parents to put aside their differences and focus on shared parenting. High conflict between parents can stem from: One or both parents' behaviour during the relationship. One parent has met a new partner, and the other parent does not think the new partner is a good role model for their child. Difficult financial settlement negotiations, or one parent is unhappy with the terms of a financial court order. Unwanted interference from extended family or new partners. Children focused on creating parental conflict as it suits their agenda to play one parent off against the other.   The consequences of high conflict in shared parenting Some of the consequences of high-conflict divorce in shared parenting arrangements are: The children don’t want to move between the two households as it is too emotionally draining. Children are embarrassed by the parental conflict and don’t want their friends to witness it. The children work hard to fit in and be the children their parents want them to be during their parenting time – the children lead a double life. Children mask and pretend that the conflict between their parents isn't affecting them. Children act out because they are caught in the middle of a parental war.   Research on what children want from shared parenting You would think it would be relatively easy to download the latest research on what children want from shared parenting and quote relevant chunks of data. However, it is far from easy. A lot of internet searching led us to an article published in April 2015 in The International Journal of Children's Rights, ‘’A qualitative synthesis of children's experiences of shared care parenting arrangements post separation.’’ [related_posts]   Data on children's experiences of shared care parenting arrangements post-separation  The 2015 article in The International Journal of Children's Rights pulls together international research on children’s experiences of shared cared parenting post-separation from studies conducted in various countries. Here is a snippet from the article that references two of the research studies: ‘’The line that differentiates sole versus shared care is arbitrary, adult-construed, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the children involved. Rather than a binary legal argument, children consider multiple factors when assessing the parenting plan that may work best for them (Sadowski and McIntosh, in press; Whitehead, 2012). Participants across the studies seem to favour shared care when they were provided input into the decision-making process, when parents respect and integrate their feelings and concerns, when the parenting plan emphasised and maximised their time with both parents, and when the plan supported a continuous and meaningful relation- ship with both parents and their siblings post separation and divorce (Blackwell, 1992; Cashmore et al., 2010; Lodge and Alexander, 2010)’’. In summary, the various research studies referred to in the article show: Living arrangements with flexible contact between both parents were the preferred arrangement across studies. Children appreciate the opportunity to see their other parent and the flexibility to visit their other home when needed. Children appreciate shared care that provides them with a regular routine and a sense of being wanted by both parents. Children prefer shared care when they were asked for their views on how shared care will work, and when parents respect their views and the plan allows for meaningful time with both parents. Children appreciate shared parenting that allows for flexibility, enabling the plan to be adjusted to fit the child’s priorities and commitments. Young adults sometimes prefer to have one home because they want to concentrate on school or find it hard to study in a parental household with younger half-siblings. Children get frustrated when a parenting plan does not allow them to spend quality time with one parent. Some children, especially when parents conflict with one another, find shared parenting difficult. Some children expressed a preference for stability and a regular routine. The type of shared parenting arrangement has a significant impact on how it works for the child. Some children took the view that an alternating week schedule with each parent was too disruptive for them. The children said that sharing their time between both parents did not weaken their sibling relationships or adversely impact their childhood friendships.   Lessons from the 2015 research The research studies in the 2015 paper tell family lawyers what children want from shared parenting: To be heard and to feel that they have a voice. For parents to work together to make shared parenting work. Parenting plans based on a child’s needs rather than a parent's desire to have 50/50 time. Flexible shared care to meet a child’s calendar of sports activities, friendships and commitments. Shared care arrangements that adjust as children's needs change over time. One of the key points in the 2015 article was the importance of listening to the child. In one study, a child described attending a school event with both parents. To outsiders, it must have appeared to be a successful shared parenting arrangement. However, to the child, it was awful, as they recognised their parents’ body language and the fact that neither was prepared to speak to the other.  The article highlights that what children want from shared parenting is the real thing: parents who can communicate and share parenting responsibilities between two households, rather than high-conflict parents pretending to engage in shared parenting.   Shared parenting legal advice Parents may need help understanding how shared parenting affects their children when parenting styles conflict, there is a high level of parental conflict, or when practical issues, such as distances between parents’ homes, make shared parenting difficult to navigate. It is equally important for parents to understand the impact of a shared care regime on the financial settlement and child support arrangements. Whilst money should not affect the decision on the type of parenting plan that meets the needs of your children, for most parents, the financial impact is a key consideration. Where parenting time is shared equally, the Child Maintenance Service rules say that no child support is payable, even if there is a significant income discrepancy. Those child maintenance rules can make it difficult for some parents to agree to a shared parenting regime, even in situations where they get along, unless the ex-spouse is willing to pay child maintenance voluntarily. When parents are splitting up, it's best to discuss openly with older children and the other parent the type of parenting arrangement that will best suit your family after your separation. Those discussions can take place jointly with the child, individually with each parent or with professional help. The help could come through a child-inclusive family mediation or family therapy. At Evolve Family Law, our children's law solicitors provide comprehensive legal advice, ensuring parents receive the support they need to understand the financial and practical implications of agreeing to a shared parenting arrangement. If an agreement cannot be reached, we can advise and represent you in an application for a child arrangement order.   Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form for children's law advice. ‍ ‍