Separation

In this article, our family lawyers explain the legal definition of domestic violence and how you can protect yourself from it.   Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Family Law Advice.   What is domestic abuse? Domestic abuse can be referred to as domestic violence, partner abuse or family-based violence. Whatever label is given to domestic abuse, it involves any incident or series of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, abusive or violent behaviour. Domestic abuse includes: Physical violence. Sexual abuse. Emotional or physiological abuse. Economic abuse. Coercive and controlling behaviour. Harassment Online and digital abuse. Stalking.   Victims of domestic abuse A victim of domestic abuse can be anyone in an intimate or family relationship. Most victims of domestic abuse are women. However, men experience domestic abuse from female or same sex partners. Children can also sadly experience abuse either directly through being hit or experiencing emotional abuse through witnessing a parent experience domestic abuse. In many families, the domestic abuse is not always apparent to extended family, professionals or outsiders. However, that does not mean that it is not occurring. A victim of domestic abuse does not need their abuser to have been arrested or convicted of an offence to qualify as a victim or to receive help from family lawyers or other professionals.   Types of domestic abuse Some people do not understand the scope of domestic abuse in its various forms. Here are some examples of the range of domestic abuse: Physical abuse ranging from extreme violence to a punch, shove or push. Sexual abuse includes all forms of unwanted sexual contact and is not limited to rape. Psychological, mental or emotional abuse can range from mental mind games, gaslighting and derogatory remarks. For example, telling someone they are a nutter, ugly or stupid. Harassment ranging from stalking type behaviour outside someone’s home to online harassment on social media accounts. Financial abuse can take many forms, such as restricting a spouse’s access to money and to their bank account. Coercive control covers anything from not allowing a spouse to leave the family home unaccompanied to controlling what a spouse wears or eats.   Response to domestic abuse The response of many victims of domestic abuse can be confusing, as they may: Accept the behaviour, as often a spouse will be told that the domestic abuse is their fault, and so they learn to accept the behaviour as part of the relationship. For example, victims are told that the abusive behaviour is normal, and they are not. Normalise the behaviour, thinking that an assault is just a slap. Deny the behaviour by thinking that the domestic abuse is all in their mind, after having been repeatedly told that they are the ones with the mental illness. Respond to the behaviour with abuse by starting to become abusive to their spouse or others, as domestic abuse has become the ‘’norm’’ within the household. Justify the behaviour to the children or others. For example, saying that the domestic abuse only happens because of a spouse’s stressful job or family pressures. A family law solicitor can advise and help you leave an abusive relationship and explain the sort of help that organisations and charities offer to help you understand how you were groomed into thinking that the abuse was an acceptable part of your relationship.   The impact of domestic abuse Most experts agree that being subjected to or witnessing domestic abuse can lead to: Low self-esteem. Low mood. Isolation from friends and family. Indecisiveness. A spouse may only decide to leave a partner when they see the impact that adult domestic abuse is having on their children. Even if the children do not see the abuse, the atmosphere and tension in the family home can be very damaging to their welfare.   [related_posts]   Injunction court orders An injunction order is one means of protecting yourself or your children from domestic abuse. An injunction is a court order stopping a named person from taking a step or ordering a step to be taken, such as: Stopping an assault or harassment by an ex-partner. This is called a non-molestation order. Ordering one spouse to leave a family home or stay away until the court decides what should happen long-term with the family home. This is called an occupation or ouster order. Removing a child from one parent’s care if there is a fear of child abduction. Preventing one spouse from taking money and assets until the court decides how property and assets are split in the financial settlement. This is called a Section 37 injunction or freezing order. If you are concerned about your children, the court can also make an urgent child arrangements order. This child order determines with whom your child should live and whether your child should have contact with the other parent. In an emergency, the court can make temporary urgent orders.   Frequently Asked Questions on Injunctions How do you get an injunction order? To obtain an injunction, an application is made to the family court supported by a statement. The evidence you need for the injunction depends on what you are trying to stop or prevent. The court may make an injunction order without your spouse being present if the judge considers the situation urgent. The court will list a hearing where your spouse or partner can attend and oppose your application or object to the injunction continuing if the court has made a temporary order in their absence.   What are the grounds for an injunction order? The grounds depend on the injunction order that is requested from the court. If you are worried about your safety or the physical or emotional safety of your child, Evolve Family Law can assess your options, including the option of applying for an injunction order.   Is an injunction order permanent? Typically, injunctions are temporary court orders designed to help a family until they, or, if necessary, the court, can make long-term decisions about the custody and contact arrangements for a child, or about the sale or transfer of the family home. However, an injunction can be an essential protective measure needed before long-term decisions are made.   Legal help with domestic abuse If you are in an abusive relationship and need help from an injunction solicitor, we can advise you on your options and help you secure an injunction order. Contact Us Today

In this blog, our family law solicitors examine what happens if you keep financial secrets during a separation or divorce.   Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Expert Family Law Advice.   Reasons for hiding money during a relationship There are many reasons why someone might hide money or not reveal their financial situation whilst in a relationship, such as: Wanting to build up a safety net of savings that their partner won’t spend, so there is a rainy-day savings fund in case of redundancy or a large unforeseen bill, such as replacing the boiler. Feeling the need to save money so that there is an escape route from an abusive relationship where the partner secreting the money is afraid that without the hidden money if it will be impossible to leave their controlling partner. Hiding credit card debt or loans because you know that your partner will worry about the debts. Feelings of embarrassment about having incurred debt. In some cases, the debt may have been incurred before the new relationship, and it now feels ‘too late’ to mention it. If a couple decides to separate, it can be challenging to reveal financial secrets that were kept during the relationship. However, when negotiating a financial settlement, there is an obligation to provide full financial disclosure.   Financial secrets and separation, and divorce   At Evolve Family Law, our divorce solicitors will ask questions about your finances and those of your spouse to provide the best advice on financial settlement options. Sometimes people are reluctant to mention undisclosed credit card debts or loans, as their husband or wife doesn’t know about them. However, it is essential to do so as the debts may impact your ability to take over the mortgage on the family home or secure another mortgage to purchase a new property. In cases where there is debt, then in financial court proceedings, the court rarely undertakes a forensic exercise into how the debt was incurred and whether, for example, you should have bought the shoes or motorbike. Instead, the court will ask: Is the debt family debt– in other words, although the debt was hidden from a husband or wife, was the loan or credit card money used for the benefit of the family? What impact does the debt have? The court will want to know if the debt will prevent a husband or wife from buying another house, staying in the family home, or meeting their other needs. In addition to debt and divorce, when it comes to financial disclosure on separation or divorce, there is an obligation to provide complete and frank financial disclosure of all your assets. That includes secret bank accounts that your husband or wife doesn’t know anything about, or money given to a family member to ‘hold’ for you, or cash that you keep.   You might also be interested in [related_posts]   The consequences of not providing full financial disclosure Failure to provide full financial disclosure after a separation or divorce may mean: Your spouse will not go to family mediation to reach an agreed financial settlement, or the family mediator may say that mediation is not suitable as full financial disclosure is a requirement for mediation. Your spouse may start financial proceedings so they can get an order requiring you to file a Form E financial disclosure document and supporting paperwork, and can ask additional questions about your finances and transactions. Your spouse could ask the court to make additional disclosure orders, ask for valuations of assets such as the family home or a family business and make Section 37 injunction orders to prevent the sale or transfer of assets to third parties. The court could draw inferences or make findings against you in a financial settlement court hearing. For example, if your family businessgenerates cash but according to your accounts, you receive an income that amounts to less than your essential outgoings (mortgage payments, utility bills or other known expenditure), then the court could make inferences or findings against you. Any financial settlement recorded in a separation agreement or in a financial court order could be overturned later if it is discovered that the agreement or order was made without you having provided full financial disclosure. Therefore, whilst there may be many reasons why you would want to keep things secret during a relationship, when it comes to a separation or divorce, there are many compelling reasons why you should provide full financial disclosure.   Manchester and Cheshire Divorce and Financial Settlement Solicitors Evolve Family Law specialises in family law, divorce and financial settlements. If you need advice on your divorce and financial settlement options, our friendly experts can help.   Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Expert Family Law Advice.

With rental properties hard to find and expensive to rent, our family law solicitors receive numerous enquiries about whether a couple can legally separate and live in the family home.   If you need family law advice, contact Evolve Family Law.   What is a legal separation? A legal separation is where a husband and wife obtain a judicial separation from the family court. Applications for judicial separation are rare because: If you obtain a judicial separation, you will still need to divorce at a later stage. For example, if you want to remarry or if you need a financial court order to prevent further financial claims by your former spouse. You do not need a legal separation for official purposes. You can just tell agencies, such as the Inland Revenue or the Local Authority, that you are separated.   Do I need a legal separation? People often assume that they need a legal separation or a judicial separation order, but they do not unless they have a religious or cultural objection to a divorce and want to formalise their separation. If you plan to get divorced later, you don’t need a judicial separation first, as you can sort out your financial affairs by signing a separation agreement.   Can spouses live separately in the same house? You can separate or even divorce and still live in the same house. Some couples think that if they continue to live together, they cannot get divorced, but that isn’t correct. Under current English divorce law, you can get divorced if your marriage has irretrievably broken down by starting no-fault divorce proceedings.   Separating when your spouse will not leave the family home. If you have decided to separate and your husband or wife will not leave the family home, you have the option to: Apply for an injunction order – an occupation order can give you the right to occupy the family home to the exclusion of your partner until the long-term ownership or sale of the property is determined by agreement between you or by the court in divorce and financial settlement proceedings. Apply for a spousal maintenance order and child support so that you can afford to leave the family home and rent somewhere until the long-term ownership or sale of the family home is decided. It is best to take specialist legal advice from a divorce solicitor before leaving the family home and moving into rented accommodation. It may be best to stay in the family home if leaving will disrupt the children or if your spouse will delay sorting out a financial settlement or the sale of the property. Alternatively, you may need a child arrangement order if there is a dispute over the living arrangements for the children when you or your spouse moves out of the family home.   You might also be interested in [related_posts]   Separating and cannot sell the family home. Most people would agree that it is a tricky housing market, so whilst you may have decided to separate or divorce, you may not be able to sell the family home quickly. You can be separated or divorced and still live at the family home, although for some, it won’t be a very comfortable experience. Even in the best situations where you are splitting up amicably, it can still feel as if you are in limbo with your life suspended until you can achieve the sale of the family home. One way to reduce the stress of waiting for the sale of the family home is to have a financial agreement in place. A separation agreement means you know who will receive what when the property is sold. Although you may have concerns about having to drop the property sale price, a fair financial settlement can still be reached if you agree to receive a percentage share of the net proceeds of sale rather than a fixed amount. That way, you are both protected, whether house values move up or down. In divorce proceedings, a financial settlement can be reached by agreement or after financial settlement proceedings, but in either scenario, you should obtain a financial court order that records how all your assets will be divided, including the equity in the family home, savings, and pension provision. If you are separated but don’t want to start divorce proceedings, it is still best to record the financial settlement that you have agreed to avoid one of you changing your mind about how much you should get from the sale proceeds when you have found a buyer for the house. A document, called a separation agreement, should be prepared to formalise the agreement reached.   Manchester and Cheshire divorce solicitors The team of specialist divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law can help you with your separation and no-fault divorce proceedings, as well as child custody and contact, and reaching a financial settlement.   If you need family law advice, contact Evolve Family Law.   The Evolve Family Law offices are in Whitefield, North Manchester and Holmes Chapel, Cheshire.

There are no absolute right or wrong answers to what you should or should not do during a separation because your personal and financial circumstances are individual to you. However, our family law solicitors can offer general guidance about what it’s best not to do during a separation.   Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Expert Family Law Advice.   Why are you separating? The basis of your separation is relevant to what you should or should not do during your separation. That’s because if your separation is a trial separation, it’s important not to take any steps that mean it is less likely that you will get back together, such as: Not attending Relate or counselling sessions or telling your partner that they are a waste of time before you give the sessions a chance. Saying that you won’t go to individual counselling sessions. For example, to address anger management issues. Taking all the money out of a joint account without your partner’s agreement or advance knowledge. Refusing to pay towards household bills or child support (despite being in a financial position to do so) because you think that if your husband or wife finds it hard to manage financially without you, then the family are more likely to get back together Imposing an unrealistic timetable on the trial separation, for example, saying that your partner must decide if you are going to get back together or not within two weeks. Refusing to agree to contact arrangements with the children or not attending the family home for agreed contact with the children. Following your partner or sending numerous texts or social media messages so they end up feeling overwhelmed by you. Contacting your partner’s family or friends to try to get them to influence your husband, wife or partner to reconcile with you.   If your partner wants a trial separation, it is easy to feel angry about their decision if the news that the relationship is in trouble comes as a complete surprise to you, and to let your feelings sabotage the trial separation. Counselling and family law legal advice can help you resolve marital issues during a trial separation.   Family law advice during a trial separation Many couples going through a trial separation think that they should not seek specialist legal advice to explore their options. However, taking legal advice can be a sensible thing to do because it will help you determine if you or your spouse has grounds to initiate divorce proceedings and what the likely financial settlement and child care arrangements may be. That information may influence your thought process. Your consultation with a divorce solicitor is completely confidential to you. You do not need to tell your husband or wife that you have taken legal advice if you do not want to do so. They may have also taken family law advice and decided to say nothing about talking to a family law solicitor until you decide on whether you are going to be able to reconcile or not.   Warning signs during a separation If you are desperate to make a trial separation work and to reconcile with your spouse, it can be tempting to ignore warning bells. You should not do that; instead, you should seek legal advice. Warning signs include your husband or wife: Transferring large amounts out of savings or investment accounts. Taking out loans against the family home – this is especially concerning if the family home is registered in your spouse’s sole name. This can be prevented by registering a notice with the land registry. Asking you to leave the family home partway through the trial separation, or if it becomes apparent that they are planning to sell the family home. If the family home is owned in their sole name, there are steps that you can take to protect yourself. Selling assets or transferring property, such as shares in a family business, to a family member. Asking you to sign a postnuptial agreement. Starting to make plans to relocate overseas with the children. Any of these warning bells, or anything else of concern to you, means you should quickly talk to a family law solicitor rather than trust that the trial separation is a genuine attempt to repair your relationship whilst you both give one another space.   You might also be interested in [related_posts]   What should you not do if a separation is permanent?  If you know that your separation is permanent, or if a trial separation has not worked out, then it is often assumed that it is ‘no holds barred’ with divorce lawyers. However, divorce solicitors say that approach can be counterproductive and result in it being harder for you to reach an agreement over childcare arrangements or a financial settlement. If your separation is permanent, then generally you should not: Leave the family home before taking legal advice – it may be preferable for your partner to leave instead of you, or you may be able to get an injunction order requiring them to leave. Reach an agreement on childcare arrangements or a financial settlement without first taking divorce legal advice – that’s because if you agree to something that isn’t in your best interests during direct discussions with your husband or wife, it is then far harder to get them to accept a fairer childcare or financial arrangement. Stop contact between the children and the other parent because you are angry about your husband or wife’s behaviour. Contact should only be stopped after legal advice and if there are child care safety or other child-related issues. Feel rushed into starting divorce proceedings because of pressure from family or friends to do so. Start divorce proceedings without either you or your divorce solicitor first informing your husband or wife of your intention to do so. Unless the situation is urgent, it is usually better to inform your partner about the planned divorce proceedings, as this can help reduce animosity. It also makes it easier for you to reach a financial settlement or agree on child custody and contact arrangements. Every separation is different, and individuals react differently to a separation. That’s why there are no hard and fast rules on what you should or should not do if you separate from a partner or spouse. One of the best things that you can do is ensure that you are not rushed into making decisions and have the information you need to make informed decisions. A divorce solicitor can help you with that, whether your separation is a trial separation or a permanent separation.   How can Evolve Family Law help you?    The friendly and approachable divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law talk to people who don’t know whether they want to separate or not, as well as to husbands or wives who are very clear that divorce proceedings are the right path for them. We can assist with: Preliminary consultations for those contemplating a separation. Initial advice on staying in the family home and injunction orders. Advice on short and long-term living arrangements for the children. Help with short-term negotiations on child support and spousal maintenance, and with a long-term financial settlement.   Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Expert Family Law Advice.   The Evolve Family Law offices are in Whitefield, North Manchester and Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. We also offer remote meetings by appointment via video call or telephone.

Any separation or divorce is a painful process, but it can be challenging when you are leaving an abusive partner. At Evolve Family Law, our divorce solicitors have experience in helping people separating from abusive partners.   Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.   Deciding to leave an abusive partner It is difficult to decide to leave a husband, wife or partner. People often think that the decision to separate is easy if you are leaving an abusive partner, as ending the relationship is the ‘obvious’ thing to do. As specialist divorce lawyers helping those involved in abusive relationships, our solicitors know that it is no easier to leave an abusive partner than it is to leave a caring and kind partner, where the relationship is at an end because the couple have drifted apart. There is help available to decide whether ending a relationship is the right thing for you. Counsellors, therapists and domestic violence charities all offer a sounding board. Family and friends can also be a good source of support if they are good listeners and able to let you make your own decision. A divorce lawyer can give you the legal information you need before you decide to leave your partner.   How do you leave an abusive partner? You may think the answer to the question ‘how do you leave an abusive partner?’ is obvious – you get up and leave. However, Cheshire divorce solicitors who work with people in abusive relationships know that it isn’t as easy as that. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is particularly important to plan your departure to make sure you and your children are safe. Here are our divorce solicitors' tips on how to leave an abusive partner: Get help and support – the support can be from friends, family, your doctor or counsellor, the police, a domestic violence agency or another source. Have an escape plan – if you are leaving a partner, it is normal to discuss why the relationship hasn’t worked out and why you are either leaving or want them to go. If you are leaving an abusive partner, it may not be safe to have that discussion. You may either need to leave without telling them about your plans or where you are going, or you may need injunction orders to protect you. Be practical – if you are making phone calls or using the internet, or you or the children are posting things on Facebook, think about whether your abusive partner will be able to trace you from those activities. If you are planning on leaving, think about what you will need to take with you to avoid returning for essential items. If the children are in school, make sure teachers know why you may need to collect the children early or arrange for someone else to do so. Protect yourself – if you are at immediate risk, then don’t follow any escape plan but get immediate help from the police. If you are not at immediate risk but are worried about your safety, then speak to a divorce solicitor about getting emergency injunction orders (called non-molestation and occupation orders) or children orders (called child arrangements orders or prohibited steps orders) to safeguard your children. Take legal advice – ideally, you should take legal advice before you leave an abusive partner so that you know where you stand legally and whether, for example, you can make them leave the family home, if you can change the locks, stop contact or get interim financial support. Be strong – you may think that you are not strong enough to leave or to withstand the pressure from your partner to return or their attempts to find you and exact revenge because you left. Leaving isn’t always the easy option, and that is why you may need support to stay strong.   Is my partner abusive? You may think that the question ‘Is my partner abusive?’ should have a straightforward answer. However, it isn’t uncommon for those leaving abusive relationships not to recognise their partner’s behaviour as abuse. That can be for a variety of reasons, such as: You understandably don’t want to be a victim of abuse, and so minimise your partner’s behaviour. You have a narrow view of what amounts to abusive behaviour because you have been coached into thinking that psychological abuse or coercive and controlling behaviour is not abusive. You have been told that your partner’s behaviour is normal or that it only occurs because of your demands. Your partner isn’t abusive to the children, so it must be your behaviour that is at fault and not that of your partner. Most injunction lawyers understand why a victim does not see their spouse’s behaviour as abusive during the relationship, and therefore why it is so hard for the victim to recognise their spouse’s behaviour as abuse when they separate from their abusive partner. If you have been told repeatedly that you are ‘mental’ or the one with the ‘problem’, it is all too easy to get sucked into believing that the abuse only occurs because your partner cares about you.   What is domestic abuse?   The definition of domestic abuse is extensive. Nowadays, courts and divorce lawyers recognise that abuse in a relationship isn’t limited to physical assaults. Domestic abuse includes: Verbal and emotional abuse, such as belittling you or telling you that you are mentally unwell or not a fit parent. Financial control, such as withholding money from you, so you are reliant on your partner. Intimidation and mind games, such as telling you that they will kill themselves or leave their job, so you will end up with nothing but guilt if you leave. Exercising coercion and control, such as not letting you see your family or being unwilling to let you go out to work or to have a bank account. There are numerous examples of what amounts to abusive behaviour in a relationship. Sometimes it takes talking to a friend, counsellor or divorce solicitor about your relationship to recognise the behaviour for what it is and to start to acknowledge the physical and emotional impact of your partner’s abusive behaviour on you.   Leaving an abusive partner If you are contemplating leaving an abusive partner, the number one priority is to make sure that you are safe and are empowered to do so. It is stressful leaving any relationship, but if your partner is abusive, the physical departure can be a dangerous trigger point unless handled carefully. Just as importantly, if you have been in an abusive relationship for a long time, it can be easy to succumb to promises of change or being told that you can’t leave because you won’t be able to take the children with you, or you won’t get a penny. It can feel as if there is no escape from an abusive partner, but that isn’t the case. With emotional and legal support, you can leave an abusive partner safely and rebuild your life.   Getting help with an abusive partner When you live with an abusive partner, it is hard to reach out and ask for help. That can be down to feelings of embarrassment or because you love your partner and want to stay in the relationship, but want the abuse to stop. Divorce lawyers find it is often the case that those in abusive relationships are too frightened to speak out and ask for help, as they fear what will happen if they do. That is understandable, as the last thing that you or they want is for your situation to be any worse than it is. If you are worried about seeing a divorce solicitor, then you can come to a meeting to discuss leaving an abusive partner with a friend or member of your family. They can help give you the courage to go, but remember that whilst friends and family can offer emotional and practical support, the decision to leave must come from you. If you don’t have friends or family to support you (or would be worried about things getting back to your partner), many supportive organisations and charities are there to help with information and advice, as well as individuals, such as your GP or a counsellor, who can support you in your decision to leave your abusive partner. Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.   Divorcing an abusive partner You do not need to refer to your partner’s behaviour to obtain a divorce. With the introduction of no-fault divorce proceedings, all you need to do is file an application saying that you think the marriage has irretrievably broken down. Even if your spouse does not share your view, they cannot oppose your divorce application. In the divorce proceedings, you will need a divorce solicitor who can stand up to your partner, ensure that you and your children get the legal protection you need, and help you make your own decisions about what you want.   Children and leaving an abusive partner It isn’t unusual for divorce lawyers to be told that someone has stayed in an abusive relationship for years, for the sake of the children. That can be down to a whole variety of factors, such as: Your abusive partner has told you that they will get custody of the children, and they won’t let you see the children because they will turn the children against you. You think that you would have to leave the family home, and you are worried that this will affect the children. The children love their other parent, and you don’t want them to grow up in a single-parent family. The timing to separate isn’t right because of a child’s exams or the start of primary or secondary school. The research into children and separation and divorce shows that: Children are remarkably resilient. Often, children know when there is something wrong with their parents’ relationship. Although the children may not have seen any domestic violence or physical assaults, because you have protected them, they can still pick up on the vibe in the household and be emotionally affected by it. Children prefer to live in two households rather than have their parents living together in an abusive relationship with a toxic atmosphere.   Child arrangement orders when leaving an abusive partner It is natural to feel very anxious about childcare arrangements if you are planning to leave an abusive partner. The priority is to ensure that you and the children are safe from any domestic violence (or the children witnessing it), so injunction applications can be made to safeguard you and the children. In addition, you can apply for a child arrangements order. In an emergency, a child arrangements order can be made quickly to protect the children. A child arrangement order can: Say the children should live with you, on a short-term or long-term basis. Set out whether the children should see your partner, and if so, whether the contact visits should take place in a supervised setting (for example, at a contact centre or in the presence of a member of your family or a trusted friend) and spell out the safe handover and collection arrangements.   Abuse allegations and child arrangement order applications If you and your abusive partner need to go to court to sort out the child care arrangements, it is essential that: Your husband or wife’s abusive behaviour and its impact on you and the children is explained by your solicitor as part of the court process; and The court looks at whether a finding of fact hearing is needed to decide on the domestic abuse allegations before it makes orders under the Children Act. If a finding of abuse is made, then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the abusive parent if the court believes that the physical and emotional safety of you and your children can be protected before, during and after the contact. Many divorcing partners are adamant that they want their children to see their other parent, even though there has been abuse within the relationship. That is because they want their children to have a relationship with both parents. If you are satisfied that the children will be safe during contact, then it is essential to ensure that you are also safe during the handover of the children for contact. For example, you may not want your abusive partner coming to the house to collect the children, but would prefer a neutral handover where there is less chance that your partner will ‘kick off’ or say anything that will upset the children.   You might also be interested in [related_posts]   Leaving an abusive partner and getting a financial settlement It is natural to worry that even if you are safely able to leave an abusive partner, they will make sure that you ‘end up with nothing’. Divorce solicitors are experts in making sure that not only are you protected from an abusive partner, but that you also receive a fair financial settlement and that you are not bullied or coerced into accepting less than you need or are entitled to. Your lawyer can either negotiate with your ex-partner or start financial court proceedings. Whether you negotiate or start court proceedings, the important thing is that you have a solicitor on your side, making sure: You have the information and financial disclosure orders necessary to make financial decisions. Any financial settlement is reality tested to make sure that the financial court order meets your needs and is capable of enforcement if your partner remains difficult and uncooperative.   Legal help with an abusive partner Abusive partners tend to be bullies and don’t want or like anyone standing up to them. Courts don’t like bullies, so whether you are being physically assaulted, emotionally abused or financially controlled, there is help available from divorce solicitors and the family court to: Protect you through the making of non-molestation and occupation injunction orders. Financially protect you through the making of child support, spousal maintenance, property and pension orders and orders to enforce compliance if your abusive partner won’t comply with court orders. Protect the family through child arrangement orders to ensure your children are safe.   Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly. We provide the expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice that you need when you are separating from an abusive partner and need someone on your side.   Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.   Our latest blogs

If you are married to a narcissist, you may need specialist legal advice to sort out your separation and divorce. Otherwise, you may find that your needs or those of your children are not adequately addressed. At Evolve Family Law, our Northwest divorce solicitors are experts in advising in divorce, children and financial proceedings where one spouse has behaved unreasonably, is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder.   Call Evolve Family Law for specialist family law advice or complete our online enquiry form. Is my spouse a narcissist? In any blog on divorcing a narcissist, it is important to look at some of the essential traits of a narcissist to help you understand if your spouse has the personality characteristics of a narcissist. The Oxford dictionary defines a narcissist as a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Narcissists are said to have the following personality traits: A sense of self-importance. A sense of entitlement. Requiring praise and attention. Willing to exploit and use others without feeling a sense of guilt or shame. Able to demean and belittle other people without worrying about the impact of their behaviour on others. Able to live in their fantasy world where they are the centre of attention.   Do any of those traits sound like your husband or wife? If so, you may need help from a counsellor to talk through how you feel about remaining in the relationship. Our divorce lawyers can advise you on the likely legal implications if you decide to separate or, if you have decided to separate or divorce, apply for a no-fault divorce and help you reach a childcare arrangement and financial court order. Getting divorced from a narcissist Divorcing is stressful, even when it is amicable. However, when your husband or wife is a narcissist, it can feel as if there is no escape from your marriage. There is, but you will need support, both legal and emotional.   If you are married to someone who exhibits narcissistic traits or has a narcissistic personality disorder, then you need to accept that your husband or wife won’t think that they are at fault or that anything they do is wrong. It can, therefore, be futile to have direct discussions on the reasons behind why you think the relationship is at an end. If they are a narcissist, they won’t engage or accept any fault.   A narcissist will turn any discussion about your marriage and separation into a tirade on looking at the impact of what is happening on them, rather than the impact on you or the children. If you have the sort of personality that gets stressed or know you will end up too frazzled to deal with the separation if your spouse starts to belittle you, then it may be best to leave things in the hands of your divorce solicitor. A divorce lawyer who has experience with narcissistic personality disorders and divorce will have the strategies to sort out your separation and divorce.  Divorce proceedings and narcissists Getting divorced is now straightforward, as you do not need to blame your spouse, nor do they need to blame you. That’s because the UK government has introduced no-fault divorce.   In no-fault divorce proceedings, the applicant for a divorce must be able to say that, in their opinion, the marriage has irretrievably broken down. The applicant’s opinion is sufficient. There is no need for the other spouse to agree and no need to substantiate the claim that the marriage is at an end with examples of unreasonable behaviour.   When a narcissist thinks that they are not in control of a situation, they can try to stop you from doing what you plan. That is not possible with no-fault divorce proceedings, as the applicant can decide to start the divorce application, and the respondent only has very limited grounds to object to the divorce.  The grounds to object to the divorce are limited to areas such as: You are not legally married. The respondent has already initiated divorce proceedings in another country. The English court does not have the jurisdiction to grant a divorce as neither spouse is domiciled or habitually resident in England and Wales.   Although a spouse with a narcissistic personality disorder cannot stop you from getting divorced, they can make the process challenging. Their behaviour may deteriorate, and that can be a concern if you are still living together in the family home or trying to negotiate a financial settlement or parenting arrangements once you are living in separate households. You need a strong, no-nonsense solicitor on your side who won’t get caught up in your spouse’s tirades but instead will focus on your divorce and sorting out the arrangements for the children and the financial settlement. Getting help with a narcissist spouse When you are separating or getting divorced from a narcissist spouse, you need all the legal and emotional support you can get. Your friends and family may not realise what you have been through and are currently coping with. That is because your spouse may present a ‘front’ to the outside world where they appear charming and worried about you and your ‘breakdown.’   First and foremost, there is no point in challenging what your spouse is saying to friends and family. If you do, then it is only likely to fuel matters as your husband or wife won’t be able to see the error of their ways as they are only able to see things from their perspective. That can be very hard for you to cope with. That’s why seeing a counsellor or therapist can help you see the situation you are in for what it is, rather than accepting your spouse’s interpretation of events based on their fantasy world where you are the only one at fault. Divorce and the narcissist parent When you are divorcing a husband or wife with narcissist traits or who has a narcissistic personality disorder, it is easy to feel very guilty about your children and in a quandary about what to do about childcare arrangements. Whilst your spouse is only likely to be interested in themselves, they may ask the court to order that the children live with him or her as part of their mind control games or because they know their stance will frighten you.   Whilst it can be tempting to say that a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder should not have contact with their children after the separation or divorce, this may not be realistic. For example, older children may want ongoing contact with the other parent, or you may need help with childcare. What’s more, if you say that you do not want your child to have contact with the other parent, they may raise accusations of parental alienation even though all you are trying to do is to protect your child from a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder. If you and your spouse end up in court over the childcare arrangements, it is essential that: Your husband or wife’s narcissistic traits are outlined neutrally, and The impact of their behaviour on you and your children is fully explained. That is important because many of the behaviours of a narcissist amount to abuse, such as controlling or coercive behaviour.   In an application for a child arrangement order, the court must consider any allegations of domestic abuse carefully. Abuse includes emotional abuse or psychological abuse of you or the children. If a finding of abuse is made, then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the narcissistic parent if the court is satisfied that the physical and emotional safety of the child and the parent with whom the child lives can, as far as possible, be secured before, during and after the contact. An experienced Cheshire divorce solicitor can put the case in children proceedings for expert reports on a parent with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits. A psychologist or other expert can be asked to report on either the parent or on the whole family and assess the impact of the narcissistic parent’s behaviour on you and the children. Many divorcing partners are wary about labelling a narcissistic parent an ‘abuser’, but it is essential to recognise that abuse isn’t just physical and the effects of coercive and controlling behaviour can be insidious on you and your children. A specialist divorce lawyer can help you recognise that and work out childcare arrangements that best protect your children, or can robustly represent you in court proceedings.   You might also be interested in [related_posts] How to get a financial settlement from a narcissist Usually, a finance solicitor will recommend that they negotiate with your spouse to reach a financial settlement or provide legal advice to you between family mediation sessions. If your spouse is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder, then the advice may be different. That’s because it can be impossible to negotiate with a narcissist, as they always think they are right and can’t see anyone else’s point of view, other than their own. To the narcissist, it is all about their financial wants and needs and not yours or the children’s needs.   If you start financial court proceedings, there is a court timetable put in place so your spouse can’t delay or prevaricate, and the judge can ultimately decide on what financial orders are made. No one likes to think that a judge will take control of the family finances and make a financial court order deciding whether, for example, the family home should be sold or if you should get a share of the pension or the family business. However, when you are dealing with a narcissist, there may be little alternative as your spouse won’t be prepared to compromise.   You may think that you know your spouse and that even if the family judge makes an order to transfer the family home into your sole name, your spouse will not sign the paperwork to do so. The court is used to dealing with spouses who won’t cooperate. If necessary, the judge can sign the property paperwork on behalf of your spouse. The court also has the power to make financial disclosure orders and to draw adverse inferences if your spouse won’t accept the authority of the court.   Narcissistic spouses like to think that they are very powerful, during the relationship and the divorce, children and financial proceedings. That is why it is so important that you choose a divorce solicitor who won’t be intimidated or fazed by your spouse’s behaviour. Instead, your divorce solicitor will focus on securing your divorce and obtaining children and financial court orders that best meet yours and your children’s needs.   Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly, providing expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice with experience in handling divorces where a spouse has a narcissistic personality disorder. Contact us today and let us help you Our latest blogs

It may surprise some people, but family lawyers are regularly asked the question ‘how do I prepare to separate?’ The earlier you speak to a divorce solicitor about a planned separation, the more the lawyer can help you reach an informed decision about whether to separate and assist you in making your separation as painless as possible. For specialist family law advice, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form. Where to start with planning a separation The obvious place to start if you are thinking about a separation is to talk to your partner, but although that seems the sensible thing to do, it isn’t always the best approach because: You may need legal advice before speaking to your partner because your divorce solicitor’s advice on the potential child custody and financial settlement options may affect either your decision to separate or the timing of your separation. Talking to a counsellor about your relationship difficulties may help you decide if you want to separate, to suggest couple counselling or a trial separation to your partner. Alternatively, counselling may confirm that you want to separate and start divorce proceedings. You may need to take protective action first. This may apply to you if your partner is abusive, has a history of hiding assets, or you are worried that if you tell your partner that you plan to leave, they may take the children or destroy sentimental possessions. If you do decide to speak to your partner about a separation, then it may not come as a complete surprise to them. However, sometimes a partner has no idea about what their husband or wife is planning, so they need time to accept your decision before being able to have a constructive discussion with you about the practicalities of your separation. Talking to your children about the planned separation Knowing when and how best to speak to the children about a planned separation is always a tough decision. Some parents believe it is best not to inform the children about a planned separation until they need to know, for example, when the house goes on the market or when divorce proceedings are initiated. However, waiting to talk to the children can be more unsettling for them, as they may pick up on the atmosphere in the family home or hear things from grandparents or friends, but be too embarrassed or worried to discuss the separation with you. In an ideal world, both parents should sit down together to discuss a separation with their children. That conversation can be challenging because you probably won't have agreed on the parenting arrangements or know if you will be able to stay in the family home with the children. Practical steps when separating Separating from a partner is very emotional, so it can help to focus on practicalities such as: Temporary living arrangements. Parenting arrangements. The financial paperwork you need to sort out a fair financial settlement. The temporary living arrangements You should not leave the family home without first seeking legal advice to determine if it is the best option for your personal and financial circumstances. Your options include: Asking your partner to leave the family home voluntarily. Starting injunction proceedings to get a non-molestation order and occupation order so you can safely stay in the family home until long-term decisions are made and a financial settlement is reached. Applying for temporary spousal maintenance from the court or for child support from the Child Maintenance Service so you can afford to stay in the family home until you can reach a financial agreement or the court makes a financial court order. If your separation is amicable, then it may be possible for you to continue to live together at the family home until you reach a long-term financial settlement.   Whether you both agree to stay at the family home or one of you is moving into rented accommodation or staying with family, you need to reach an agreement on temporary financial matters, including the payment of household bills and access to the joint account. A divorce lawyer can negotiate financial support for you or support you through the family mediation process. The parenting arrangements The temporary parenting arrangements for your children will depend greatly on whether you continue to live together at the family home until you decide what to do with the house. Sorting out the long-term arrangements for the children may not be practical until you know one another’s housing plans and whether, for example, it will be feasible for mid-week contact to take place. Most parents can reach an agreement on childcare arrangements. If you are unable to do so, then a family mediator may be able to help you resolve the dispute. If an agreement is not possible, either parent can apply to the court for a child arrangement order. The financial paperwork You can’t reach an informed financial settlement with your partner until you both have an up-to-date understanding of your financial situation. That may involve finding out things like the value of the family home, the outgoings associated with the family home, the amount you have in savings, or the value of the family business or pension. If you have a financial advisor or accountant, they may have some of this information, such as an investment portfolio document or draft family business accounts. If your partner is not willing to provide financial disclosure, then you can apply to the court for a financial court order. The family court will require your spouse to complete a Form E document and provide financial disclosure as part of the court process. You might also be interested in [related_posts] Understand your separation options Before deciding to separate, it is helpful to understand your separation options and the ways to reach an agreement on custody and parenting arrangements, as well as your financial settlement. When it comes to separation, your options are broadly: A trial separation. A permanent separation. If neither of you wants to initiate divorce proceedings, you may want to record any agreement reached regarding the family home, other property, and financial support in a separation agreement. Starting divorce proceedings. During divorce proceedings, a court may be asked to issue a financial court order to record the terms of any agreed-upon financial settlement. If you can’t reach an agreement through negotiation or family mediation, the court can decide how your assets and property should be divided and make a financial court order.   It is often assumed that if you go ahead with a separation that you and your partner will end up in court proceedings over custody of the children, who gets the family home or whether you will get a share of your spouse’s pension. However, experienced Manchester divorce solicitors say that you don’t have to end up in court. It is often possible to reach an agreement over starting divorce proceedings, the parenting arrangements for the children and the financial settlement through taking legal advice and getting your solicitor to negotiate a parenting plan and financial settlement or advising you about your legal options during family mediation. Seeking advice on your separation can provide you with the information you need to make an informed and supported decision about whether to separate and how to best plan for your future.   For specialist family law advice, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.

In this blog, Louise Halford, a family lawyer specialising in children's law, examines what children want from shared parenting.   Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form for children's law advice.   What is shared parenting? To some, shared parenting means equal parenting, where a child’s time is split equally between the two parental households. To the court and family lawyers, shared parenting is a more encompassing concept. A child can live with one parent under a child arrangement order but participate in a shared parenting arrangement because their other parent has contact and actively cares for them. Take the case of two separated parents who parent 50/50 but don’t communicate with one another, unless they have no choice. The anger and animosity during their separation and in financial settlement negotiations meant their divorce was labelled as high-conflict. They are now engaged in shared parenting, but not in the spirit of it. Contrast their co-parenting with a Mother who has a child arrangement order and a child who lives with her 60% of the time. You may think that isn't shared parenting, but the Dad is actively engaged in all important parental decision-making, and both parents communicate with one another to provide their child with consistent parenting and routines. As a children lawyer, Louise Halford prefers to use the broad definition of shared parenting as that encapsulates what shared parenting should be. It should not relate to percentages or the hours spent with a child, but rather to sharing the job of being a parent and quality time.   The court's approach to shared parenting The court has moved away from weekend contact to an absent parent (traditionally the Dad), and nowadays, a child arrangement order with shared parenting is usual unless: The parents engaged in a high-conflict divorce, or There was domestic violence in the parental relationship, or Child welfare reasons prevent shared parenting, or The child is of an age to say that they do not want a shared parenting arrangement, or Geographical reasons make shared parenting impractical. Child welfare issues include factors such as parental alcohol or drug addiction, mental health, or other issues that lead the court to conclude that a shared parenting arrangement is not in the child’s best interests.   Shared parenting after a high-conflict divorce It can be hard for separated or divorced parents to put aside their differences and focus on shared parenting. High conflict between parents can stem from: One or both parents' behaviour during the relationship. One parent has met a new partner, and the other parent does not think the new partner is a good role model for their child. Difficult financial settlement negotiations, or one parent is unhappy with the terms of a financial court order. Unwanted interference from extended family or new partners. Children focused on creating parental conflict as it suits their agenda to play one parent off against the other.   The consequences of high conflict in shared parenting Some of the consequences of high-conflict divorce in shared parenting arrangements are: The children don’t want to move between the two households as it is too emotionally draining. Children are embarrassed by the parental conflict and don’t want their friends to witness it. The children work hard to fit in and be the children their parents want them to be during their parenting time – the children lead a double life. Children mask and pretend that the conflict between their parents isn't affecting them. Children act out because they are caught in the middle of a parental war.   Research on what children want from shared parenting You would think it would be relatively easy to download the latest research on what children want from shared parenting and quote relevant chunks of data. However, it is far from easy. A lot of internet searching led us to an article published in April 2015 in The International Journal of Children's Rights, ‘’A qualitative synthesis of children's experiences of shared care parenting arrangements post separation.’’   [related_posts]   Data on children's experiences of shared care parenting arrangements post-separation  The 2015 article in The International Journal of Children's Rights pulls together international research on children’s experiences of shared cared parenting post-separation from studies conducted in various countries. Here is a snippet from the article that references two of the research studies: ‘’The line that differentiates sole versus shared care is arbitrary, adult-construed, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the children involved. Rather than a binary legal argument, children consider multiple factors when assessing the parenting plan that may work best for them (Sadowski and McIntosh, in press; Whitehead, 2012). Participants across the studies seem to favour shared care when they were provided input into the decision-making process, when parents respect and integrate their feelings and concerns, when the parenting plan emphasised and maximised their time with both parents, and when the plan supported a continuous and meaningful relation- ship with both parents and their siblings post separation and divorce (Blackwell, 1992; Cashmore et al., 2010; Lodge and Alexander, 2010)’’. In summary, the various research studies referred to in the article show: Living arrangements with flexible contact between both parents were the preferred arrangement across studies. Children appreciate the opportunity to see their other parent and the flexibility to visit their other home when needed. Children appreciate shared care that provides them with a regular routine and a sense of being wanted by both parents. Children prefer shared care when they were asked for their views on how shared care will work, and when parents respect their views and the plan allows for meaningful time with both parents. Children appreciate shared parenting that allows for flexibility, enabling the plan to be adjusted to fit the child’s priorities and commitments. Young adults sometimes prefer to have one home because they want to concentrate on school or find it hard to study in a parental household with younger half-siblings. Children get frustrated when a parenting plan does not allow them to spend quality time with one parent. Some children, especially when parents conflict with one another, find shared parenting difficult. Some children expressed a preference for stability and a regular routine. The type of shared parenting arrangement has a significant impact on how it works for the child. Some children took the view that an alternating week schedule with each parent was too disruptive for them. The children said that sharing their time between both parents did not weaken their sibling relationships or adversely impact their childhood friendships.   Lessons from the 2015 research The research studies in the 2015 paper tell family lawyers what children want from shared parenting: To be heard and to feel that they have a voice. For parents to work together to make shared parenting work. Parenting plans based on a child’s needs rather than a parent's desire to have 50/50 time. Flexible shared care to meet a child’s calendar of sports activities, friendships and commitments. Shared care arrangements that adjust as children's needs change over time. One of the key points in the 2015 article was the importance of listening to the child. In one study, a child described attending a school event with both parents. To outsiders, it must have appeared to be a successful shared parenting arrangement. However, to the child, it was awful, as they recognised their parents’ body language and the fact that neither was prepared to speak to the other.  The article highlights that what children want from shared parenting is the real thing: parents who can communicate and share parenting responsibilities between two households, rather than high-conflict parents pretending to engage in shared parenting.   Shared parenting legal advice Parents may need help understanding how shared parenting affects their children when parenting styles conflict, there is a high level of parental conflict, or when practical issues, such as distances between parents’ homes, make shared parenting difficult to navigate. It is equally important for parents to understand the impact of a shared care regime on the financial settlement and child support arrangements. Whilst money should not affect the decision on the type of parenting plan that meets the needs of your children, for most parents, the financial impact is a key consideration. Where parenting time is shared equally, the Child Maintenance Service rules say that no child support is payable, even if there is a significant income discrepancy. Those child maintenance rules can make it difficult for some parents to agree to a shared parenting regime, even in situations where they get along, unless the ex-spouse is willing to pay child maintenance voluntarily. When parents are splitting up, it's best to discuss openly with older children and the other parent the type of parenting arrangement that will best suit your family after your separation. Those discussions can take place jointly with the child, individually with each parent or with professional help. The help could come through a child-inclusive family mediation or family therapy. At Evolve Family Law, our children's law solicitors provide comprehensive legal advice, ensuring parents receive the support they need to understand the financial and practical implications of agreeing to a shared parenting arrangement. If an agreement cannot be reached, we can advise and represent you in an application for a child arrangement order.   Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form for children's law advice. ‍ ‍