Leaving an Abusive Partner
Any separation or divorce is a painful process, but it can be challenging when you are leaving an abusive partner. At Evolve Family Law, our divorce solicitors have experience in helping people separating from abusive partners.
Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
Deciding to leave an abusive partner
It is difficult to decide to leave a husband, wife or partner. People often think that the decision to separate is easy if you are leaving an abusive partner, as ending the relationship is the ‘obvious’ thing to do. As specialist divorce lawyers helping those involved in abusive relationships, our solicitors know that it is no easier to leave an abusive partner than it is to leave a caring and kind partner, where the relationship is at an end because the couple have drifted apart.
There is help available to decide whether ending a relationship is the right thing for you. Counsellors, therapists and domestic violence charities all offer a sounding board. Family and friends can also be a good source of support if they are good listeners and able to let you make your own decision. A divorce lawyer can give you the legal information you need before you decide to leave your partner.
How do you leave an abusive partner?
You may think the answer to the question ‘how do you leave an abusive partner?’ is obvious – you get up and leave. However, Cheshire divorce solicitors who work with people in abusive relationships know that it isn’t as easy as that. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is particularly important to plan your departure to make sure you and your children are safe.
Here are our divorce solicitors' tips on how to leave an abusive partner:
Get help and support – the support can be from friends, family, your doctor or counsellor, the police, a domestic violence agency or another source.
Have an escape plan – if you are leaving a partner, it is normal to discuss why the relationship hasn’t worked out and why you are either leaving or want them to go. If you are leaving an abusive partner, it may not be safe to have that discussion. You may either need to leave without telling them about your plans or where you are going, or you may need injunction orders to protect you.
Be practical – if you are making phone calls or using the internet, or you or the children are posting things on Facebook, think about whether your abusive partner will be able to trace you from those activities. If you are planning on leaving, think about what you will need to take with you to avoid returning for essential items. If the children are in school, make sure teachers know why you may need to collect the children early or arrange for someone else to do so.
Protect yourself – if you are at immediate risk, then don’t follow any escape plan but get immediate help from the police. If you are not at immediate risk but are worried about your safety, then speak to a divorce solicitor about getting emergency injunction orders (called non-molestation and occupation orders) or children orders (called child arrangements orders or prohibited steps orders) to safeguard your children.
Take legal advice – ideally, you should take legal advice before you leave an abusive partner so that you know where you stand legally and whether, for example, you can make them leave the family home, if you can change the locks, stop contact or get interim financial support.
Be strong – you may think that you are not strong enough to leave or to withstand the pressure from your partner to return or their attempts to find you and exact revenge because you left. Leaving isn’t always the easy option, and that is why you may need support to stay strong.
Is my partner abusive?
You may think that the question ‘Is my partner abusive?’ should have a straightforward answer. However, it isn’t uncommon for those leaving abusive relationships not to recognise their partner’s behaviour as abuse. That can be for a variety of reasons, such as:
You understandably don’t want to be a victim of abuse, and so minimise your partner’s behaviour.
You have a narrow view of what amounts to abusive behaviour because you have been coached into thinking that psychological abuse or coercive and controlling behaviour is not abusive.
You have been told that your partner’s behaviour is normal or that it only occurs because of your demands.
Your partner isn’t abusive to the children, so it must be your behaviour that is at fault and not that of your partner.
Most injunction lawyers understand why a victim does not see their spouse’s behaviour as abusive during the relationship, and therefore why it is so hard for the victim to recognise their spouse’s behaviour as abuse when they separate from their abusive partner. If you have been told repeatedly that you are ‘mental’ or the one with the ‘problem’, it is all too easy to get sucked into believing that the abuse only occurs because your partner cares about you.
What is domestic abuse?
The definition of domestic abuse is extensive. Nowadays, courts and divorce lawyers recognise that abuse in a relationship isn’t limited to physical assaults. Domestic abuse includes:
Verbal and emotional abuse, such as belittling you or telling you that you are mentally unwell or not a fit parent.
Financial control, such as withholding money from you, so you are reliant on your partner.
Intimidation and mind games, such as telling you that they will kill themselves or leave their job, so you will end up with nothing but guilt if you leave.
Exercising coercion and control, such as not letting you see your family or being unwilling to let you go out to work or to have a bank account.
There are numerous examples of what amounts to abusive behaviour in a relationship. Sometimes it takes talking to a friend, counsellor or divorce solicitor about your relationship to recognise the behaviour for what it is and to start to acknowledge the physical and emotional impact of your partner’s abusive behaviour on you.
Leaving an abusive partner
If you are contemplating leaving an abusive partner, the number one priority is to make sure that you are safe and are empowered to do so. It is stressful leaving any relationship, but if your partner is abusive, the physical departure can be a dangerous trigger point unless handled carefully. Just as importantly, if you have been in an abusive relationship for a long time, it can be easy to succumb to promises of change or being told that you can’t leave because you won’t be able to take the children with you, or you won’t get a penny.
It can feel as if there is no escape from an abusive partner, but that isn’t the case. With emotional and legal support, you can leave an abusive partner safely and rebuild your life.
Getting help with an abusive partner
When you live with an abusive partner, it is hard to reach out and ask for help. That can be down to feelings of embarrassment or because you love your partner and want to stay in the relationship, but want the abuse to stop. Divorce lawyers find it is often the case that those in abusive relationships are too frightened to speak out and ask for help, as they fear what will happen if they do. That is understandable, as the last thing that you or they want is for your situation to be any worse than it is.
If you are worried about seeing a divorce solicitor, then you can come to a meeting to discuss leaving an abusive partner with a friend or member of your family. They can help give you the courage to go, but remember that whilst friends and family can offer emotional and practical support, the decision to leave must come from you.
If you don’t have friends or family to support you (or would be worried about things getting back to your partner), many supportive organisations and charities are there to help with information and advice, as well as individuals, such as your GP or a counsellor, who can support you in your decision to leave your abusive partner.
Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
Divorcing an abusive partner
You do not need to refer to your partner’s behaviour to obtain a divorce. With the introduction of no-fault divorce proceedings, all you need to do is file an application saying that you think the marriage has irretrievably broken down. Even if your spouse does not share your view, they cannot oppose your divorce application.
In the divorce proceedings, you will need a divorce solicitor who can stand up to your partner, ensure that you and your children get the legal protection you need, and help you make your own decisions about what you want.
Children and leaving an abusive partner
It isn’t unusual for divorce lawyers to be told that someone has stayed in an abusive relationship for years, for the sake of the children. That can be down to a whole variety of factors, such as:
Your abusive partner has told you that they will get custody of the children, and they won’t let you see the children because they will turn the children against you.
You think that you would have to leave the family home, and you are worried that this will affect the children.
The children love their other parent, and you don’t want them to grow up in a single-parent family.
The timing to separate isn’t right because of a child’s exams or the start of primary or secondary school.
The research into children and separation and divorce shows that:
Children are remarkably resilient.
Often, children know when there is something wrong with their parents’ relationship. Although the children may not have seen any domestic violence or physical assaults, because you have protected them, they can still pick up on the vibe in the household and be emotionally affected by it.
Children prefer to live in two households rather than have their parents living together in an abusive relationship with a toxic atmosphere.
Child arrangement orders when leaving an abusive partner
It is natural to feel very anxious about childcare arrangements if you are planning to leave an abusive partner. The priority is to ensure that you and the children are safe from any domestic violence (or the children witnessing it), so injunction applications can be made to safeguard you and the children. In addition, you can apply for a child arrangements order. In an emergency, a child arrangements order can be made quickly to protect the children.
A child arrangement order can:
Say the children should live with you, on a short-term or long-term basis.
Set out whether the children should see your partner, and if so, whether the contact visits should take place in a supervised setting (for example, at a contact centre or in the presence of a member of your family or a trusted friend) and spell out the safe handover and collection arrangements.
Abuse allegations and child arrangement order applications
If you and your abusive partner need to go to court to sort out the child care arrangements, it is essential that:
Your husband or wife’s abusive behaviour and its impact on you and the children is explained by your solicitor as part of the court process; and
The court looks at whether a finding of fact hearing is needed to decide on the domestic abuse allegations before it makes orders under the Children Act.
If a finding of abuse is made, then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the abusive parent if the court believes that the physical and emotional safety of you and your children can be protected before, during and after the contact.
Many divorcing partners are adamant that they want their children to see their other parent, even though there has been abuse within the relationship. That is because they want their children to have a relationship with both parents. If you are satisfied that the children will be safe during contact, then it is essential to ensure that you are also safe during the handover of the children for contact. For example, you may not want your abusive partner coming to the house to collect the children, but would prefer a neutral handover where there is less chance that your partner will ‘kick off’ or say anything that will upset the children.
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Leaving an abusive partner and getting a financial settlement
It is natural to worry that even if you are safely able to leave an abusive partner, they will make sure that you ‘end up with nothing’. Divorce solicitors are experts in making sure that not only are you protected from an abusive partner, but that you also receive a fair financial settlement and that you are not bullied or coerced into accepting less than you need or are entitled to.
Your lawyer can either negotiate with your ex-partner or start financial court proceedings. Whether you negotiate or start court proceedings, the important thing is that you have a solicitor on your side, making sure:
You have the information and financial disclosure orders necessary to make financial decisions.
Any financial settlement is reality tested to make sure that the financial court order meets your needs and is capable of enforcement if your partner remains difficult and uncooperative.
Legal help with an abusive partner
Abusive partners tend to be bullies and don’t want or like anyone standing up to them. Courts don’t like bullies, so whether you are being physically assaulted, emotionally abused or financially controlled, there is help available from divorce solicitors and the family court to:
Protect you through the making of non-molestation and occupation injunction orders.
Financially protect you through the making of child support, spousal maintenance, property and pension orders and orders to enforce compliance if your abusive partner won’t comply with court orders.
Protect the family through child arrangement orders to ensure your children are safe.
Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly. We provide the expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice that you need when you are separating from an abusive partner and need someone on your side.
Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
Our latest blogs
Louise Halford
Aug 08, 2025
Divorcing a Narcissist
If you are married to a narcissist, you may need specialist legal advice to sort out your separation and divorce. Otherwise, you may find that your needs or those of your children are not adequately addressed.
At Evolve Family Law, our Northwest divorce solicitors are experts in advising in divorce, children and financial proceedings where one spouse has behaved unreasonably, is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder.
Call Evolve Family Law for specialist family law advice or complete our online enquiry form.
Is my spouse a narcissist?
In any blog on divorcing a narcissist, it is important to look at some of the essential traits of a narcissist to help you understand if your spouse has the personality characteristics of a narcissist.
The Oxford dictionary defines a narcissist as a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Narcissists are said to have the following personality traits:
A sense of self-importance.
A sense of entitlement.
Requiring praise and attention.
Willing to exploit and use others without feeling a sense of guilt or shame.
Able to demean and belittle other people without worrying about the impact of their behaviour on others.
Able to live in their fantasy world where they are the centre of attention.
Do any of those traits sound like your husband or wife? If so, you may need help from a counsellor to talk through how you feel about remaining in the relationship. Our divorce lawyers can advise you on the likely legal implications if you decide to separate or, if you have decided to separate or divorce, apply for a no-fault divorce and help you reach a childcare arrangement and financial court order.
Getting divorced from a narcissist
Divorcing is stressful, even when it is amicable. However, when your husband or wife is a narcissist, it can feel as if there is no escape from your marriage. There is, but you will need support, both legal and emotional.
If you are married to someone who exhibits narcissistic traits or has a narcissistic personality disorder, then you need to accept that your husband or wife won’t think that they are at fault or that anything they do is wrong. It can, therefore, be futile to have direct discussions on the reasons behind why you think the relationship is at an end. If they are a narcissist, they won’t engage or accept any fault.
A narcissist will turn any discussion about your marriage and separation into a tirade on looking at the impact of what is happening on them, rather than the impact on you or the children. If you have the sort of personality that gets stressed or know you will end up too frazzled to deal with the separation if your spouse starts to belittle you, then it may be best to leave things in the hands of your divorce solicitor. A divorce lawyer who has experience with narcissistic personality disorders and divorce will have the strategies to sort out your separation and divorce.
Divorce proceedings and narcissists
Getting divorced is now straightforward, as you do not need to blame your spouse, nor do they need to blame you. That’s because the UK government has introduced no-fault divorce.
In no-fault divorce proceedings, the applicant for a divorce must be able to say that, in their opinion, the marriage has irretrievably broken down. The applicant’s opinion is sufficient. There is no need for the other spouse to agree and no need to substantiate the claim that the marriage is at an end with examples of unreasonable behaviour.
When a narcissist thinks that they are not in control of a situation, they can try to stop you from doing what you plan. That is not possible with no-fault divorce proceedings, as the applicant can decide to start the divorce application, and the respondent only has very limited grounds to object to the divorce. The grounds to object to the divorce are limited to areas such as:
You are not legally married.
The respondent has already initiated divorce proceedings in another country.
The English court does not have the jurisdiction to grant a divorce as neither spouse is domiciled or habitually resident in England and Wales.
Although a spouse with a narcissistic personality disorder cannot stop you from getting divorced, they can make the process challenging. Their behaviour may deteriorate, and that can be a concern if you are still living together in the family home or trying to negotiate a financial settlement or parenting arrangements once you are living in separate households. You need a strong, no-nonsense solicitor on your side who won’t get caught up in your spouse’s tirades but instead will focus on your divorce and sorting out the arrangements for the children and the financial settlement.
Getting help with a narcissist spouse
When you are separating or getting divorced from a narcissist spouse, you need all the legal and emotional support you can get. Your friends and family may not realise what you have been through and are currently coping with. That is because your spouse may present a ‘front’ to the outside world where they appear charming and worried about you and your ‘breakdown.’
First and foremost, there is no point in challenging what your spouse is saying to friends and family. If you do, then it is only likely to fuel matters as your husband or wife won’t be able to see the error of their ways as they are only able to see things from their perspective. That can be very hard for you to cope with. That’s why seeing a counsellor or therapist can help you see the situation you are in for what it is, rather than accepting your spouse’s interpretation of events based on their fantasy world where you are the only one at fault.
Divorce and the narcissist parent
When you are divorcing a husband or wife with narcissist traits or who has a narcissistic personality disorder, it is easy to feel very guilty about your children and in a quandary about what to do about childcare arrangements. Whilst your spouse is only likely to be interested in themselves, they may ask the court to order that the children live with him or her as part of their mind control games or because they know their stance will frighten you.
Whilst it can be tempting to say that a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder should not have contact with their children after the separation or divorce, this may not be realistic. For example, older children may want ongoing contact with the other parent, or you may need help with childcare. What’s more, if you say that you do not want your child to have contact with the other parent, they may raise accusations of parental alienation even though all you are trying to do is to protect your child from a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder.
If you and your spouse end up in court over the childcare arrangements, it is essential that:
Your husband or wife’s narcissistic traits are outlined neutrally, and
The impact of their behaviour on you and your children is fully explained. That is important because many of the behaviours of a narcissist amount to abuse, such as controlling or coercive behaviour.
In an application for a child arrangement order, the court must consider any allegations of domestic abuse carefully. Abuse includes emotional abuse or psychological abuse of you or the children. If a finding of abuse is made, then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the narcissistic parent if the court is satisfied that the physical and emotional safety of the child and the parent with whom the child lives can, as far as possible, be secured before, during and after the contact.
An experienced Cheshire divorce solicitor can put the case in children proceedings for expert reports on a parent with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits. A psychologist or other expert can be asked to report on either the parent or on the whole family and assess the impact of the narcissistic parent’s behaviour on you and the children.
Many divorcing partners are wary about labelling a narcissistic parent an ‘abuser’, but it is essential to recognise that abuse isn’t just physical and the effects of coercive and controlling behaviour can be insidious on you and your children. A specialist divorce lawyer can help you recognise that and work out childcare arrangements that best protect your children, or can robustly represent you in court proceedings.
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How to get a financial settlement from a narcissist
Usually, a finance solicitor will recommend that they negotiate with your spouse to reach a financial settlement or provide legal advice to you between family mediation sessions. If your spouse is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder, then the advice may be different. That’s because it can be impossible to negotiate with a narcissist, as they always think they are right and can’t see anyone else’s point of view, other than their own. To the narcissist, it is all about their financial wants and needs and not yours or the children’s needs.
If you start financial court proceedings, there is a court timetable put in place so your spouse can’t delay or prevaricate, and the judge can ultimately decide on what financial orders are made. No one likes to think that a judge will take control of the family finances and make a financial court order deciding whether, for example, the family home should be sold or if you should get a share of the pension or the family business. However, when you are dealing with a narcissist, there may be little alternative as your spouse won’t be prepared to compromise.
You may think that you know your spouse and that even if the family judge makes an order to transfer the family home into your sole name, your spouse will not sign the paperwork to do so. The court is used to dealing with spouses who won’t cooperate. If necessary, the judge can sign the property paperwork on behalf of your spouse. The court also has the power to make financial disclosure orders and to draw adverse inferences if your spouse won’t accept the authority of the court.
Narcissistic spouses like to think that they are very powerful, during the relationship and the divorce, children and financial proceedings. That is why it is so important that you choose a divorce solicitor who won’t be intimidated or fazed by your spouse’s behaviour. Instead, your divorce solicitor will focus on securing your divorce and obtaining children and financial court orders that best meet yours and your children’s needs.
Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly, providing expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice with experience in handling divorces where a spouse has a narcissistic personality disorder.
Contact us today and let us help you
Our latest blogs
Louise Halford
Aug 08, 2025
Can My Ex Take My Child?
If parents are honest about their fears surrounding coming out of a bad relationship, one of their biggest worries is whether their ex can take their child.
In this blog, our specialist Northwest family lawyers look at whether your ex can take your child and your options.
For specialist family law advice, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
Worried ex-partner will take my child
Sometimes it is just a fear that your former partner and your child’s other parent will take your child or not return them when their parenting time has finished. In other family scenarios, your ex-husband, wife or partner may want to take the child as they know that is the one thing that will devastate you, or they may genuinely want to look after the child as much as you do, but the two of you can’t agree on the childcare arrangements.
Talking to a family law solicitor can help you decide if your fears justify applying for a court order, such as:
A child arrangement order
A prohibited steps order
A specific issue order
An injunction order
Will the police help if my ex-partner takes my child?
If your child is taken, your first thought may be to call the police, and in any situation where you fear that your child is at risk of harm, then that is the best thing to do. Risk of harm is always a balancing act, so whilst you may think that your child is being harmed by staying with their other parent, the police may not think so unless there is some evidence that the child is at risk.
The police won’t remove a child from a parent’s care unless there is an apparent risk of immediate harm. Generally, the police will say that, except in emergencies, family and children's law matters should be resolved by the family court. That usually involves one parent applying to court for a child arrangement order or asking the court to enforce an existing order and return the child to their care.
The police approach should not stop a parent from calling them in situations where you have genuine welfare concerns, such as:
A parent with anger management issues.
Where there were domestic violence issues in the relationship.
A parent who appears under the influence of alcohol or drugs and is incapable of safely caring for the child.
Apply for a family court order to protect your child
There are some family scenarios where it is best to get a family court order so you can show the order to the police. For example:
If you fear that your ex-partner will take your child overseas without your agreement, you can apply to the family court for a prohibited steps order to prevent the child from being taken abroad.
If you are concerned that you or your child is at risk of domestic violence, then you can apply to the court for an injunction order.
If you are worried about the safety of your child while they are spending time with your ex-partner, you can ask the court to make a child arrangements order. A child arrangements order can prevent direct contact or stipulate that contact should only occur if supervised, or can establish limits and conditions for the contact.
Take legal advice if you are worried that your ex may take your child
As every family situation is unique, it is advisable to seek legal advice tailored to your specific circumstances and to assess the best options for your family.
Children law solicitors say that if you are worried about your ex taking your child, it is best to take specialist legal advice as quickly as possible because:
A children solicitor will be able to tell you where you stand legally. Often, knowing your rights can help alleviate your worries.
It may be necessary to apply for an urgent court order, such as an injunction order or take immediate action to prevent child abduction to an overseas country by securing a prohibited steps order.
A solicitor’s letter to your ex-partner or an application for a child arrangements order may be needed to formalise the childcare arrangements and ensure that your ex-partner is aware of the consequences of breaching your agreement or the child arrangements order.
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What happens if a parent breaches a court order and takes a child?
If a parent breaches a family court order, such as a child arrangements order, prohibited steps order or specific issue order, enforcement action can be taken.
It can be tempting to apply directly to court to enforce an order, but it is best to consult with a family lawyer before doing so. For example, if a parent has returned a child home late on one occasion, starting enforcement action for a breach of a child arrangements order may not be appropriate. However, if late returns on a Sunday night are a regular occurrence and are affecting schooling, it may be appropriate to act.
Children solicitors say that if an order is breached, you may need to take speedy action. For example:
If a parent keeps a child after a contact visit was due to end, you don’t want to leave things so that the other parent can then argue that the status quo of the child living with you has changed and that the child is now happy and settled with them.
If child abduction overseas is feared, then it is vital that speedy action is taken to avoid the child being taken abroad. That is because if the child is taken to a country that isn’t a signatory to the Hague Convention, it may be hard to get an order for the child’s immediate return to the UK.
Regardless of the nature of the breach of court order, the court can enforce the order and impose penalties on the parent who has breached it. The penalties will depend on the court’s assessment of the circumstances surrounding the breach of the court order, as well as the severity and frequency of the breach. The court can:
Impose a community service order and order a parent in breach of a child arrangement order to carry out up to 200 hours of community service.
Fine the parent for breach of the court order.
In rare cases, a prison sentence can be imposed on the parent in breach of the court order.
Order a parent to pay the other parent compensation if the breach of the court order led to a loss, such as unpaid time off work.
As every breach of a court order has a different impact on a family, it is best to seek legal advice before applying to enforce an order, as it may be preferable to return to court to vary the existing child arrangements order or other type of children's order.
We are Manchester and Cheshire Children Law Solicitors
Our family lawyers specialise in separation and children law applications. If you are worried about your ex-partner taking your child or need representation in child arrangements order proceedings, call us or complete our online enquiry form.
Our offices are in Whitefield, North Manchester, and Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. However, our lawyers also offer telephone and online appointments.
Louise Halford
Jul 28, 2025
Can a Parent Stop a Child From Seeing the Other Parent?
If you are considering stopping contact between your child and their other parent, it is advisable to talk to a family law solicitor before taking any action.
In this blog, we examine the circumstances where, after a separation or divorce, one parent can prevent a child from seeing the other parent.
For specialist family law advice on parenting plans and child arrangement orders, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
Stopping contact between a child and their parent
After a separation or divorce, many parents want to stop their child from seeing the other parent. Sometimes those feelings are fleeting, a reaction to a parent arriving late for contact or due to an argument. In other families, one parent may believe that it is in their child’s best interests not to have contact with the other parent. Regardless of the reasons for wanting to end contact, it's best to seek legal advice before taking any action.
Stopping contact if there is an existing child arrangement order
If there is an existing child arrangement order in place, you may be in breach of the court order if you stop your child from seeing their other parent without first applying to the court to vary the child arrangement order to end or reduce the parenting time.
Sometimes, the decision not to send a child to their parent for a contact visit can be difficult. In other situations, there may be immediate or serious welfare concerns, so you feel justified in not following the court order.
As breaching a child arrangement order could result in enforcement action, it's best to understand your options, your former partner’s options and the court’s likely views on why you breached the child arrangement order, rather than waiting and applying to vary the child arrangement order and only then altering the parenting time.
Stopping contact if there is no child arrangement order in place
If there is no child arrangement order in force, it is still best to get expert legal advice on the best course of action. That is because if you stop contact, your ex-partner may apply to the court for a child arrangement order. Depending on the current level of parenting time spent with the children and the reasons why you want to stop contact, your ex-partner may even be allowed to spend additional time with your child.
Should you stop contact between a child and the other parent?
There are certain scenarios in which contact between a parent and child should be stopped, as it is in the best interests of the child to do so. For example:
If you have the grounds to fear child abduction and your child being taken out of the UK without your agreement, or
You are worried that the other parent cannot safely care for the children during their parenting time and doesn’t have the insight into their mental health or addiction issues, or the extended family support to make their parenting time a safe experience for your child.
However, there are other scenarios where it isn’t necessarily in your child’s best interests to stop contact, even though the cessation of contact would make life a lot easier for you, as you would not need to contact your ex-partner over the parenting arrangements.
Reasons to stop contact
There are many situations where one parent often wants to stop a child from having contact with the other parent. Reasons to stop contact include:
The other parent has not paid child support or spousal maintenance.
The other parent has met a new partner, and you feel angry or hurt about it.
The other parent gives you a lot of hassle and grief over the parenting plan, and you feel they are trying to control you through the communication that they have with you over childcare.
You are worried that your ex-partner will be violent towards you at either collection or drop-off time.
The other parent is always late collecting or returning the child.
The child does not do any homework whilst with the other parent and always returns tired after a weekend away, meaning that the child finds it hard to settle back into their routine and concentrate on their school work.
The other parent won’t follow the same parenting routine as you, so you are seen as the disciplinarian and no fun.
The child says derogatory things about you that they have heard from the other parent during their parenting time.
The child says they don’t want to see the other parent because time spent with their other parent is boring, and they want to see their friends.
The child doesn’t like the other parent’s new partner or their children.
All the above are valid concerns that require legal advice and discussion with an expert children's law solicitor about how best to resolve them; however, the solution may not be to end all parenting time with the other parent.
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What happens if I stop my child from spending time with their other parent?
If you stop contact between your child and the other parent, then the other parent could:
Apply to the family court to enforce an existing child arrangement order.
Apply to the court for a child arrangement order.
Still turn up to see the child. For example, to collect the child from school.
Walk away from family life and have no further contact.
Your child may not want to end or reduce the amount of time they spend with their other parent, even if it is in their best interests to do so. Stopping contact may lead the child to feel hurt and angry towards you. In addition, the child may think of their other parent in an idealised fashion. As they are no longer having contact with the other parent, the child may forget that the other parent was late in collecting them or did nothing with them during the parenting time other than watch television.
It can help to talk to a family law solicitor about the likely outcome of an application for a child arrangement order by the other parent or an application by you for a children order, such as a prohibited steps order. That’s because it is best to understand the approach the family court will take to stopping contact and how the judge will weigh up what future parenting arrangements are in your child’s best interests.
Alternatives to going to court to stop contact
A children's law solicitor can also discuss alternative options to applying to court to end contact, such as:
Family mediation to help you explain to your ex-partner your concerns about contact.
Protective orders, such as domestic violence injunction orders, if your ex-partner is harassing you, or you fear child abduction.
Round table meeting with family lawyers to discuss your concerns and reach a resolution. For example, agreeing on a parenting plan with consistent parenting routines for the child or agreeing to supervised contact whilst your ex-partner is experiencing a period of mental ill-health or working on overcoming an addiction.
Family therapy can be a safe place to discuss future parenting time. This can involve an older child, so they can explain how they feel about contact.
Therefore, while it is tempting to sever contact between your child and their other parent, it is usually best to take some time to reflect and consider the legal consequences of such a decision.
For specialist family law advice on parenting plans and child arrangement orders, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
Louise Halford
Jul 28, 2025
How Often Can a Father See His Child?
One of the most emotive topics after a separation or divorce is how often a father can see his child.
In this blog, Northwest family law solicitor Louise Halford explains the law regarding parenting time after separation or divorce.
For specialist family law advice on parenting plans and child arrangement orders, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
How often can a father see his child after a parental separation?
There is no rule on how often a father can see his child after a parental separation. As specialist family law solicitors, we have negotiated parenting plans or secured child arrangement orders that say:
The child lives with their dad and spends some parenting time with mum, or
There is a shared parenting regime, or
The children live with their mum and their dad has contact.
In extreme cases, where there are significant welfare concerns, the court can order supervised parenting time or even no contact.
Our family lawyers recommend that neither parent attend the parenting negotiations with a fixed idea of the parenting time that must take place. In most families, there isn't only one solution that will meet the children's needs to have an ongoing relationship with both parents.
Do children always stay with their mothers after a separation or divorce?
It used to be the case that after a separation or divorce, most children lived with their mother, and their father had parenting time or contact. In many families, that remains the position. However, instead of it always being assumed that a child will live with their mother nowadays, all options are on the table, including the child living with their father, the child having contact with their mother, or a shared care arrangement.
It isn’t so much that the law has changed, but societal attitudes and working practices have changed. For a long time, the court has focused on what child law order is in the best interests of the child when determining court applications over parenting time.
As every child and family is different, family lawyers must consider family circumstances before advising on parenting arrangements or when advising on a child arrangement order application.
Custody, residence and child arrangement orders
In the past, when a father traditionally went out to work and the mother was a stay-at-home parent or worked part-time, it was often thought best that a child should continue to live with the primary caregiver or the parent who was available to meet their day-to-day needs.
With both parents now often working full-time, the best interests of the child may be best served by a shared care arrangement.
The change in working patterns and societal norms has prompted a change in legal language. Lawyers no longer talk about custody, contact and residence, but rather parenting time.
Is a father entitled to shared care if he wants to co-parent his child after a separation or divorce?
Although much is written in the media about shared parenting being the norm or ideal, neither a mother nor a father is ‘entitled’ to share the care of their child after a separation or divorce. That’s because if parents can’t agree on the childcare arrangements for their child and the court is asked to make a child arrangement order, the court will assess what order is in their child’s best interests.
Shared parenting (whether that is an exactly equal split of parenting time or a sixty-forty split of time or other percentage) may be the best option for the child, but not necessarily.
Equal shared parenting time may not be in the best interests of a child if:
Parents don’t live, or are not intending to live, relatively close to one another to ensure that the child can get to school from both homes, or
The child prefers to have one home base, rather than moving between homes, or
One parent’s work commitment means that if parenting were shared, the reality is that the child would be looked after during that parent’s parenting time by extensive use of professional carers, or
The parents don’t get on at all and won’t cooperate over parenting, making frequent handovers for the child disruptive and distressing.
Shared care can be ideal, but it isn’t practical for every family, and therefore it isn't in the best interests of every child whose parents separate or divorce. When looking at childcare arrangements, it is best not to think of ‘entitlement’ but what arrangements are likely to meet your child’s needs.
Is shared parenting the best option for children and their dads?
Most child experts say that spending an equal amount of parenting time with a child after a separation or divorce isn’t the key to successful parenting, but ensuring that the time you do spend with your children is ‘quality’ time.
For parenting time to be quality time, it doesn’t have to be expensive outings, but being able to set aside time to read with younger children, help with homework, or transport to football practice, ballet club or just talking and taking an interest in what your children are doing at school or when they are with their other parent.
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How often can a father see his child?
Fathers often want to know the worst-case and best-case scenarios of how they will usually be able to see their child after a separation or divorce. A great deal depends on your circumstances. For example, contact will be restricted if a mother successfully applies for a relocation order to enable her to move overseas with the child, or parenting time will be more limited if a father has to relocate to a new area in the UK due to his work commitments.
Many parents agree to split the week so that children spend roughly equal amounts of time with each parent. For other families, the preferred option is for a child to live with one parent during the week and have midweek and alternate weekend parenting time with the other parent. Contact with the child every weekend would mean that the residential parent of a school-age child would not spend any quality time with the child over the weekend.
There is therefore no set rule about how often a father can see his child. That can be frustrating for some fathers who want certainty after a separation or divorce. However, not having set rules means that parents can work out what child parenting arrangements or co-parenting schedule works best for their family, or the court can be asked to make a child arrangement order after assessing what is best for your child rather than following a fixed formula.
Manchester and Cheshire Children Law Solicitors
If you need help with your separation or divorce, negotiating parenting time or representation in a child arrangement order application, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
We have offices in Whitefield, North Manchester and Holmes Chapel, Cheshire, but we can also arrange a telephone appointment or online consultation.
Louise Halford
Jul 21, 2025
Child Maintenance/Child Support
Child Custody & Contact
Children Law
Divorce
Parental Responsibility
Separation
What Children Want From Shared Parenting
In this blog, Louise Halford, a family lawyer specialising in children's law, examines what children want from shared parenting.
Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form for children's law advice.
What is shared parenting?
To some, shared parenting means equal parenting, where a child’s time is split equally between the two parental households. To the court and family lawyers, shared parenting is a more encompassing concept. A child can live with one parent under a child arrangement order but participate in a shared parenting arrangement because their other parent has contact and actively cares for them.
Take the case of two separated parents who parent 50/50 but don’t communicate with one another, unless they have no choice. The anger and animosity during their separation and in financial settlement negotiations meant their divorce was labelled as high-conflict. They are now engaged in shared parenting, but not in the spirit of it. Contrast their co-parenting with a Mother who has a child arrangement order and a child who lives with her 60% of the time. You may think that isn't shared parenting, but the Dad is actively engaged in all important parental decision-making, and both parents communicate with one another to provide their child with consistent parenting and routines.
As a children lawyer, Louise Halford prefers to use the broad definition of shared parenting as that encapsulates what shared parenting should be. It should not relate to percentages or the hours spent with a child, but rather to sharing the job of being a parent and quality time.
The court's approach to shared parenting
The court has moved away from weekend contact to an absent parent (traditionally the Dad), and nowadays, a child arrangement order with shared parenting is usual unless:
The parents engaged in a high-conflict divorce, or
There was domestic violence in the parental relationship, or
Child welfare reasons prevent shared parenting, or
The child is of an age to say that they do not want a shared parenting arrangement, or
Geographical reasons make shared parenting impractical.
Child welfare issues include factors such as parental alcohol or drug addiction, mental health, or other issues that lead the court to conclude that a shared parenting arrangement is not in the child’s best interests.
Shared parenting after a high-conflict divorce
It can be hard for separated or divorced parents to put aside their differences and focus on shared parenting. High conflict between parents can stem from:
One or both parents' behaviour during the relationship.
One parent has met a new partner, and the other parent does not think the new partner is a good role model for their child.
Difficult financial settlement negotiations, or one parent is unhappy with the terms of a financial court order.
Unwanted interference from extended family or new partners.
Children focused on creating parental conflict as it suits their agenda to play one parent off against the other.
The consequences of high conflict in shared parenting
Some of the consequences of high-conflict divorce in shared parenting arrangements are:
The children don’t want to move between the two households as it is too emotionally draining.
Children are embarrassed by the parental conflict and don’t want their friends to witness it.
The children work hard to fit in and be the children their parents want them to be during their parenting time – the children lead a double life.
Children mask and pretend that the conflict between their parents isn't affecting them.
Children act out because they are caught in the middle of a parental war.
Research on what children want from shared parenting
You would think it would be relatively easy to download the latest research on what children want from shared parenting and quote relevant chunks of data. However, it is far from easy.
A lot of internet searching led us to an article published in April 2015 in The International Journal of Children's Rights, ‘’A qualitative synthesis of children's experiences of shared care parenting arrangements post separation.’’
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Data on children's experiences of shared care parenting arrangements post-separation
The 2015 article in The International Journal of Children's Rights pulls together international research on children’s experiences of shared cared parenting post-separation from studies conducted in various countries.
Here is a snippet from the article that references two of the research studies:
‘’The line that differentiates sole versus shared care is arbitrary, adult-construed, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the children involved. Rather than a binary legal argument, children consider multiple factors when assessing the parenting plan that may work best for them (Sadowski and McIntosh, in press; Whitehead, 2012). Participants across the studies seem to favour shared care when they were provided input into the decision-making process, when parents respect and integrate their feelings and concerns, when the parenting plan emphasised and maximised their time with both parents, and when the plan supported a continuous and meaningful relation- ship with both parents and their siblings post separation and divorce (Blackwell, 1992; Cashmore et al., 2010; Lodge and Alexander, 2010)’’.
In summary, the various research studies referred to in the article show:
Living arrangements with flexible contact between both parents were the preferred arrangement across studies.
Children appreciate the opportunity to see their other parent and the flexibility to visit their other home when needed.
Children appreciate shared care that provides them with a regular routine and a sense of being wanted by both parents.
Children prefer shared care when they were asked for their views on how shared care will work, and when parents respect their views and the plan allows for meaningful time with both parents.
Children appreciate shared parenting that allows for flexibility, enabling the plan to be adjusted to fit the child’s priorities and commitments.
Young adults sometimes prefer to have one home because they want to concentrate on school or find it hard to study in a parental household with younger half-siblings.
Children get frustrated when a parenting plan does not allow them to spend quality time with one parent.
Some children, especially when parents conflict with one another, find shared parenting difficult. Some children expressed a preference for stability and a regular routine.
The type of shared parenting arrangement has a significant impact on how it works for the child. Some children took the view that an alternating week schedule with each parent was too disruptive for them.
The children said that sharing their time between both parents did not weaken their sibling relationships or adversely impact their childhood friendships.
Lessons from the 2015 research
The research studies in the 2015 paper tell family lawyers what children want from shared parenting:
To be heard and to feel that they have a voice.
For parents to work together to make shared parenting work.
Parenting plans based on a child’s needs rather than a parent's desire to have 50/50 time.
Flexible shared care to meet a child’s calendar of sports activities, friendships and commitments.
Shared care arrangements that adjust as children's needs change over time.
One of the key points in the 2015 article was the importance of listening to the child. In one study, a child described attending a school event with both parents. To outsiders, it must have appeared to be a successful shared parenting arrangement. However, to the child, it was awful, as they recognised their parents’ body language and the fact that neither was prepared to speak to the other. The article highlights that what children want from shared parenting is the real thing: parents who can communicate and share parenting responsibilities between two households, rather than high-conflict parents pretending to engage in shared parenting.
Shared parenting legal advice
Parents may need help understanding how shared parenting affects their children when parenting styles conflict, there is a high level of parental conflict, or when practical issues, such as distances between parents’ homes, make shared parenting difficult to navigate.
It is equally important for parents to understand the impact of a shared care regime on the financial settlement and child support arrangements. Whilst money should not affect the decision on the type of parenting plan that meets the needs of your children, for most parents, the financial impact is a key consideration. Where parenting time is shared equally, the Child Maintenance Service rules say that no child support is payable, even if there is a significant income discrepancy. Those child maintenance rules can make it difficult for some parents to agree to a shared parenting regime, even in situations where they get along, unless the ex-spouse is willing to pay child maintenance voluntarily.
When parents are splitting up, it's best to discuss openly with older children and the other parent the type of parenting arrangement that will best suit your family after your separation. Those discussions can take place jointly with the child, individually with each parent or with professional help. The help could come through a child-inclusive family mediation or family therapy.
At Evolve Family Law, our children's law solicitors provide comprehensive legal advice, ensuring parents receive the support they need to understand the financial and practical implications of agreeing to a shared parenting arrangement. If an agreement cannot be reached, we can advise and represent you in an application for a child arrangement order.
Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form for children's law advice.
Louise Halford
Jul 11, 2025
Child Arrangement Orders – Your Questions Answered
If you are going through a separation or divorce, you are bound to have lots of questions about your child custody rights or want to ask questions about residence, contact or access orders.
In this article, children law expert Louise Halford answers your frequently asked questions on child arrangement orders.
For expert Divorce and Children Law advice, call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.
What is a child arrangement order?
A child arrangement order is a court order that sets out parenting arrangements for children when there is a dispute between parents over their child’s living arrangements.
The order is a combined order, as it will outline where the children will live (formerly referred to as a custody order or residence order) and the spending time with arrangements (formerly referred to as an access order or contact order).
Do I need a child arrangement order?
You only need a child arrangement order if you can’t agree on the parenting arrangements for your children.
If you cannot reach an agreement directly with your ex-partner, your children's law solicitor can help you resolve issues through alternative dispute resolution.
Alternative dispute resolution keeps disputes out of court. There are several ways to reach a parenting agreement without going to court. These include:
Family mediation.
Family arbitration.
Amicable divorce with our one-lawyer service.
Solicitor negotiations.
Direct negotiations.
The family court will not routinely make a child arrangement order to record what you have agreed unless there is a history of dispute or a real reason for the order.
Will a child arrangement order let me take my children abroad?
If you are named as the parent a child lives with in a child arrangement order, you can take your children abroad on holiday for up to four weeks without needing the other parent’s agreement.
However, even with a child arrangement order, you can’t move overseas with your children without the other parent’s agreement or a court order. If the other parent won’t agree to your plans to relocate overseas with the children, then you need to apply for a relocation order.
Can you change a child arrangement order?
A child arrangement order can be changed either by:
Both parents record that they agree to the parenting change, or
By applying back to the family court to vary the child arrangement order.
For example, if you agree that the children should be returned home at 6 pm rather than the old time of 5 pm, the agreement to the change could be recorded in a text or email without incurring the expense of a court application. However, if your child wants to move to live with you and the other parent won’t agree, then you will need to apply to the court to vary the child arrangement order.
You should not change the child arrangement order without taking advice, as you do not want to be accused of breaching the court order.
Child arrangement orders and child support
A child arrangement order does not say if one parent should pay child support to the other parent.
Child support is arranged by:
Agreement between parents, or
Assessment by the Child Maintenance Service, or
In limited situations, the court can make a child support order.
The general rule is that when a child spends an equal amount of time with both parents, neither parent is required to pay child support. That rule applies even when one parent earns more than the other parent under the Child Maintenance Service rules.
Child support rules are complicated. It's best to speak to a family law solicitor about your entitlement to child support before reaching a financial settlement or agreeing to a parenting plan.
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Shared care and child arrangement orders
A child arrangement order can specify the parent the children will live with and set out the contact or spending time arrangements with the other parent.
Alternatively, a child arrangement order can stipulate that parenting is shared and outline the details of the shared parenting arrangement. It does not necessarily have to be a 50/50 split each week. Ideally, a child arrangement order will also set out how holiday contact will be arranged. For example, parents may have alternate year Christmas Day contact, or school holiday contact will be divided equally on dates to be agreed upon between the parents.
With a child arrangement order, can you make all important decisions regarding your child?
If you have a child arrangement order, it does not allow you to make all the important decisions for your child and exclude the other parent from decision-making.
Important decisions include:
Choice of school.
Whether to follow a religion and the extent of faith observances.
Medical decisions.
If both parents have parental responsibility for their child, they both have equal rights and responsibilities over major decision-making.
Where parental responsibility is shared and both parents cannot reach an agreement over an aspect of parenting, then either parent can apply to the family court for a specific issue order or a prohibited steps order. The court will decide based on what the judge believes to be in the child’s best interests.
Who can apply for a child arrangement order?
It isn’t just parents who can apply to court for a child arrangement order. Others have an automatic right to apply for a child arrangement order, such as:
Step-parents, or
A relative if the child has been living with the relative for twelve months, or
Anyone who has looked after the child for three years or more.
In addition to those with an automatic right to apply for a child arrangement order, others can apply for permission to apply for a child arrangement order. This typically covers situations where a grandparent wants to obtain an order to have contact with a grandchild.
How Evolve Family Law can help you with sorting out parenting arrangements
If you need help with a child arrangement order application, our specialist children law solicitors are here to help you. We can assist you by:
Representation in an application for a child arrangement order.
Applying to vary a child arrangement order.
Family mediation to help you reach a parenting agreement.
Legal advice by offering legal services whilst you mediate with an alternative mediator.
If you are divorcing amicably, consider our Amicable Divorce One Lawyer service.
For expert Divorce and Children Law advice, call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.
Louise Halford
Jul 05, 2025
Parenting Plans
If you have separated from your partner or you are mid-way through divorce proceedings, the most important thing to sort out is the childcare arrangements for your children.
As parents, you need to decide whether your children will be co-parented, parallel parented, or if one parent will be the primary parent, looking after the children full-time, with the other parent spending time with them.
Whatever child care arrangement you choose, a parenting plan can help both parents understand the ground rules and reduce the risk of disputes and court applications for child arrangement orders.
For specialist family law advice on parenting plans and child arrangement orders, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
Children law solicitor, Louise Halford, answers your frequently asked questions on parenting plans:
What is a parenting plan?
How do I agree on a parenting plan?
What should be included in a parenting plan?
How do you change a parenting plan?
What is a parenting plan?
A parenting plan is a document created by parents to outline the parenting arrangements for a child or children following a separation or divorce.
Parents can agree upon a parenting plan, or it can be made after children's court proceedings for a:
Child arrangement order.
Specific issue order.
Prohibited steps order.
Relocation order.
How do I agree on a parenting plan?
There are many ways that parents can agree on a parenting plan. You can use a template and prepare one yourself. Sometimes, that is a bad idea, as ‘going it alone’ may lead to arguing with your ex-partner and polarising your positions.
With the help of a children's law solicitor or family mediator, you may be able to discuss child care arrangements and reach a compromise.
At Evolve Family Law, our solicitors are committed to helping parents reach an agreement on post-separation parenting arrangements for their children without needing to apply to court for a child arrangement order. We can do this through:
Solicitor negotiations.
Family mediation with our family law mediator.
Family arbitration.
Using our amicable divorce one lawyer service.
Sometimes, a parent has no choice but to apply to the court for a child arrangement order. For example, if one parent is not able to provide a satisfactory level of care or if they fear the other parent will take the child overseas to live.
To understand your options, book a consultation with one of our specialist family law solicitors.
What should go into a parenting plan?
Every child and family is different, so your parenting plan should be tailored to your individual needs and those of your child.
The fact that a family member, a neighbour, or a friend has a parenting plan should not influence what should go into your parenting plan. That is because your parenting plan needs to outline the best agreement for your family, taking into account your family's circumstances and personal preferences.
For example, some parents share care of their children, with the children spending an equal amount of time with each parent. Other parents prefer their children to have one home base during the week and to share quality time on weekends and school holidays. Neither option is the ‘best’ or the right one, as so much depends on your family and each parent’s work commitments and the distance between the two homes.
Every parenting plan should consider including what has been agreed on, such as:
Home base– unless parenting is to be shared equally.
Contact or shared parenting arrangements, such as the agreed-upon times for collection and return, drop-off points, and who will do the collections and returns.
The practical points on shared care and regular contact, such as the washing and return of school uniforms, the supervision of homework or who is responsible for clothes and shoes shopping or haircuts.
Whether phone contact is to take placebetween parent and child, and, if so, the frequency of phone calls so that they do not become too restrictive or intrusive for a parent with the care of a younger child.
Special contact(child and parents' birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, as well as Christmas and religious observance days) and holidays.
Best method of communication between parentsif contact or other arrangements need to be changed. For example, mobile, text or email. Communication may be necessary to cancel a visit or to agree on a coordinated approach to buying birthday presents.
Who is responsible for medical and dental appointments, and communication about appointments, or to say if a child is ill or hospitalised.
How will you deal with parent evenings at school, or attendance at school plays, or sports days?
How will you address the introduction of new partners and their children, and the communication of the information to your ex-partner? This type of information is helpful so that the other parent does not find out about new relationships or remarriage through the child. Whilst you may not want to communicate this type of personal information or receive the news about your ex-partner’s new relationship, a significant reason for child care arrangement breakdown is non-communication over adult issues that also affect your child.
Holiday plans– if you plan to go on holiday during your holiday contact time, is it agreed that you need to inform the other parent about your planned trips overseas or to a destination in the UK and give agreed key information such as flight times and numbers and hotel details and who else who will be accompanying the child on holiday. For example, a new partner and their children.
Parenting plan changes– how you will agree to make changes to the parenting plan.
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How do you change a parenting plan?
Children's wants and needs change over time. What are the appropriate parenting arrangements for a two-year-old who is not in school may be completely different from those for an eleven-year-old. By the time a child is in their teenage years, the arrangements will need to change again. Add to the mix that your circumstances may change with a new job, house, or relationship, and the arrival of additional children or stepchildren. Likewise, your ex-partner’s circumstances are likely to change, necessitating a review of the parenting plan.
The fact that a parenting plan needs to be changed should not be a sign of defeat. For example, your five-year-old may struggle to cope with equal co-parenting, even if their cousin or other children in their class can manage it. Some children are just more adaptable than others. Alternatively, a parenting plan may need changing or tweaking because the only reason that a child is struggling with co-parenting or parallel parenting is different parenting regimes in the two households and two parenting styles that are confusing to the child because as soon as a child has got used to one routine they move to their other parent’s home.
Agreeing to a change in the parenting plan
A parenting plan can be changed by email, or you may prefer a meeting; alternatively, you can set up an annual review to discuss how things are working.
The best thing is that if anything about the child care arrangements is ‘bugging you’, you do not let things fester, so they do not become acrimonious or even lead to children's law court proceedings. Instead, it is preferable to agree to review the parenting plan, perhaps with the help of a children's law solicitor or family mediator, before the arrangements break down or positions are polarised.
It is also helpful to remember that as children get older, they will want to have a say in the parenting plan. For example, the ten o’clock Saturday contact start time may work for you, but your teenager may want to stay in bed until noon or go out with their mates on a Saturday night.
The key point with a parenting plan is that it should evolve with you and your family. Just because something worked in the past doesn’t mean it's necessarily the best approach for your child or your ex-partner now.
How can a children's law solicitor at Evolve Family Law help?
If you are struggling to agree on child care arrangements after your separation or divorce, or you want to change your parenting plan and your ex-partner is resisting, Evolve Family Law can help you to reach an agreement or secure a child arrangement order.
We are North West and Online Children Law Solicitors: For expert family law advice, call us now or complete our online enquiry form.
Louise Halford
Jul 05, 2025
Can I Skip Mediation and Go Straight to Court?
In certain situations, you may be able to skip mediation and proceed directly to court to resolve a family law dispute.
In this article, our North West divorce solicitors explore why you may want to consider alternatives to family mediation.
Contact our specialist family lawyers for a consultation on how to resolve your family law disagreement effectively.
Is mediation compulsory?
If you are separating from your husband, wife, civil partner or unmarried partner, there are many matters to resolve, such as:
The parenting arrangements for your children
Who will stay in the family home
Whether maintenance and child support will be paid
The financial settlement if you are married or in a civil partnership
The property settlement if you were in a cohabiting relationship
Whether divorce proceedings should be started and by whom
Mediation can resolve all these matters and others.
Mediation is not compulsory. It is a voluntary alternative dispute resolution process. All parties to the mediation should attend voluntarily rather than through coercion. However, some people may feel compelled to mediate, as court rules make it clear that parties in most family law disputes must first attempt to resolve their issues outside of the court process.
If you feel pressured to go to mediation, it's best to speak with a family law solicitor about your concerns and your alternative dispute resolution options.
Trying out family mediation
Family mediation begins with each party attending a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). The purpose of the MIAM is for the mediator to:
Give you information about mediation
Discover what you want to achieve from mediation
Determine if you are a suitable candidate for mediation
Decide the type of mediation and mediator that best suits your needs
MIAMs are usually held separately, allowing you to discuss any reservations about attending mediation and for the mediator to ask questions to ensure that mediation is suitable for you and your former partner. For example:
It may not be apparent in the information sent to the mediator that you have experienced domestic violence in your relationship.
In a dispute over parenting arrangements for your teenage children, you may want the children to have a say about their living and contact arrangements. A specially trained mediator can involve older children in child-inclusive mediation*.
Your partner may inform the mediator that they are unwilling to provide any financial disclosure during mediation, which would render the process ineffective, as the mediator cannot compel such disclosure. In financial court proceedings, the court can order financial disclosure.
Here is a link to a Family Mediation Council video that provides a more detailed explanation of child-inclusive mediation.
Can I skip mediation?
Here are some of the situations where you can skip family mediation and go straight into court proceedings:
Your child is at risk of significant harm
There is a threat of child abduction
Risk of domestic violence
Your ex-partner is disposing of assets
Here are some examples of why you should bypass mediation:
You fear your child will be taken overseas unless you secure a prohibited steps order to prevent parental child abduction by your ex-partner.
Your estranged wife is selling or transferring assets, and you need the urgent protection of a Section 37 injunction order to stop them from disposing of assets to defeat your financial claims.
There are serious current or historic domestic violence issues, and you do not think that any type of mediation is safe for you to engage in.
There are other scenarios where you can bypass mediation and initiate court proceedings. Family law solicitors recommend seeking expert advice before skipping mediation, as the potential consequences of making an incorrect decision can be severe.
Consequences of skipping mediation
If you choose to bypass family mediation because you don’t like the sound of the process, rather than because there was a good reason for doing so, then the consequence may be:
Delay
Additional expense
Risk of a cost order
Risks associated with bypassing mediation
Let's look at the risks of skipping mediation in more detail:
You may think you are speeding things up by making an application to the court, but the court could decide to adjourn your application for mediation to take place. Your decision to proceed directly to court may have slowed things down, as you could have been attending mediation sessions for several months while waiting for a first court hearing date.
Starting court proceedings when you could have reached an agreement outside court adds to your costs. For example, the court application fee and the time spent in preparing your financial settlement or child arrangement order
In some family cases, a judge may order that you pay all or a proportion of the other party’s legal costs. The court may be more inclined to make a cost order against you if the judge thinks you didn’t follow the rules and rushed into a premature court application without giving mediation or alternative dispute resolution a chance.
Deciding whether to skip mediation is a delicate balancing exercise that should be undertaken with the advice of a specialist divorce solicitor with a thorough understanding of the family law rules and the potential positive and negative implications of opting to bypass mediation.
Why don’t you want to go to family mediation?
People give several reasons for wanting to avoid family mediation. They include:
Don’t think their ex-partner will go to mediation
Don’t want to be in the same room as their former partner
Won't be able to stand up for themselves in mediation
Want to leave it to a judge to decide what happens
Previous bad experience of mediation
Addressing why you want to skip family mediation
At a consultation meeting, a divorce solicitor can explain:
What mediation is
How family mediation works
The measures that can be put in place to address concerns about attending mediation
The alternatives to mediation
The advantages and disadvantages of mediation
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What is family mediation?
Family mediation is a form of alternative dispute resolution that involves a specially trained family mediator.
A family mediator is an impartial third party who helps a separated couple resolve family issues, such as child care arrangements or financial settlement.
A family mediator will:
Facilitate listening to one another, even when you may disagree with what the other person has to say.
Help you find a resolution that works and is an acceptable compromise for both of you.
A family mediator does not give legal advice to the parties. They are there as a neutral facilitator to help you reach an agreement. That’s why many separating couples find it helpful to speak to a family law solicitor between mediation sessions, so they understand their legal rights, the likely court outcomes and have the confidence to mediate a reasonable compromise.
Types of family mediation
Family mediation sessions usually take place with a family mediator sitting in a room with both parties. The mediator uses their skills to help you reach your agreement, rather than have an order imposed on you by a family court judge. However, this type of mediation may not be suitable for everyone. Alternatives are available. For example:
Shuttle mediation - you and your partner do not meet in the same room; instead, the mediator shuttles between rooms to facilitate a mutually agreeable resolution.
Solicitor-involved mediation - each of you can have your solicitor involved in the mediation sessions, as well as provide legal support outside of the mediation sessions.
Measures to help mediation work for you
These are some of the measures our North West family lawyers can put in place to help you get the best out of mediation:
Write to your former partner to explain the implications of them choosing to skip mediation.
Advise you on how to select a family mediator to resolve your family law dispute.
Recommendations for shuttle mediation if you don’t want to be in the same room as your former partner.
Discussing safety measures to enable you to attend mediation with confidence. For example, arriving at separate times to your ex-partner and not waiting in the same waiting room.
Provide advice before you start mediation so you understand the range of orders the court has the power to make.
Offer specialist advice between mediation sessions to give you the confidence to negotiate effectively during mediation meetings.
Explain how counselling can provide the confidence boost you need to make mediation work.
Advise on how experts can be effectively involved in the mediation process to facilitate a mutually beneficial agreement—for example, a pension actuary or forensic accountant.
Legal representatives present during the mediation sessions to address the power imbalance.
Depending on the reasons behind your reservations about mediation, our divorce solicitors may be able to suggest other measures to help make mediation work for you.
The advantages of mediation
Some people think that talking to their ex-partner is pointless. However, it is worth hearing about the advantages of mediation as an alternative dispute resolution option.
The advantages of mediation are:
It is often quicker than court proceedings
It is cheaper than a court application
You and your ex-partner set the mediation agenda, helped by the mediator
The mediation process looks forward rather than analysing mistakes made during the relationship
Mediation is less adversarial than court proceedings
Mediation can come up with a bespoke solution to your family law dispute
When you are separating from a former partner, the mediation advantages are important because:
You need a decision so you can move on with your life.
You and your ex need to spend as little as possible on dispute resolution so you have more to spend on your children or rehousing.
Going over old ground, such as the reasons for the marriage breakdown, won't help you reach a financial settlement.
If you plan to continue co-parenting your children, it is helpful to reach a parenting agreement that minimises conflict.
In court proceedings, the family judge must follow family law rules. For example, the judge cannot consider the needs of adult children still living in the family home or the caring responsibilities of one spouse for aging parents. Mediation offers the flexibility to consider what is relevant to your family.
The alternatives to family mediation
If you are of the view that mediation isn't the best alternative dispute resolution option for you, then some of the other options are:
Collaborative law
Arbitration
Roundtable meetings with legal representation
Amicable Divorce - One Lawyer Divorce
Why you should consult with a family lawyer before skipping mediation
You should speak to a family lawyer before deciding whether to go to mediation because a specialist family law solicitor can:
Explain the mediation process and your other alternative dispute resolution options.
Help you choose the right type of mediation model and mediator to facilitate a mutually agreeable resolution with your former partner.
Offer advice on potential likely outcomes, costs and timescales if you make an application to court for a divorce settlement or child arrangement order.
Advise you if mediation is not appropriate, such as when you need an urgent court order, such as a prohibited steps order.
Explain how they can provide legal support and guidance in between mediation sessions to give you the confidence to reach a mediated agreement.
Convert your mediated agreement into a binding financial court order.
Help you obtain a no-fault divorce, enabling you to implement parts of your financial court order, such as a pension sharing order.
At Evolve Family Law, our family law specialists offer a mediation support service, providing all the advice and guidance you need, from your initial inquiry about mediation to helping you secure an agreed court order following a successful mediation.
Speak with a Family Law Solicitor Today for Advice on Family Alternative Dispute Resolution Strategies.
Louise Halford
Apr 17, 2025
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